Addicted
by Anoka Kon
Summary: A death, a lover's quarrel, holidays, and a girl. Ten years seems like only yesterday, and bonds can always be tested. Four men try to find their way in a harsh cruel world that only serves those willing to accept their fate. Destiny beckons. WARNING: Disturbing psychological scenery. Viewer discretion is advised.
1. Reunion and Loss

Addicted

12/28/13

"Welcome to The Land of the Rising Sun everyone! We hope you have enjoyed your stay with United Airlines and wish you the best day!"

Softly, he unbuckled his seatbelt, his golden eyes gazing into the auburn sky as a few crows passed overhead. The ocean glimmered in the evening sun, a gasp escaping his lips as he spied the last of the migratory dolphins making their leave.

He was back with his friends.

* * *

"Ray! Ray!"

He heard his name being called, the man hulling his green bag over his shoulders and waving to his friend. He smiled warmly, walking past a few people and out of the glass doors that separated the unloading people from those who were waiting for their plane.

His friend slapped him on the back playfully, his brown eyes meeting with Ray's.

"It's been too long man."

"Good to see you too Tyson."

The blue haired man chuckled and took Ray's hand.

"So glad you could make it!"

"I wouldn't pass up an opportunity to spend a holiday vacation with my best friends now could I?" he mused, gazing at his friend.

"Ever since the last Beyblade tournament, all we've done is exchange emails and letters, but now that I get to see you in person, it's great!"

"Sorry I couldn't get on Skype more but you know, terrible service ten thousand feet up on a mountain."

"I can understand."

Ray chuckled with his friend, feeling rather good to be back with his buddies. They talked over more, Ray having been reminded that he hadn't seen his friends in quite some time. Ten years had passed since they had last gotten together for any sort of festivities, so when the time came that Tyson invited the old gang to hang out at his place for a whole month, well Ray just couldn't say no.

Tyson had grown up, gone to college and was working on his degree in civil rights. He had always told Ray in his letters that he wanted to be some sort of defender of those whose rights were taken away by unfair law. Ray knew that Tyson's heart was fit for the job.

"Hey guys!"

A soft but strong voice greeted them both as a dusty blonde haired man approached them, smiling from ear to ear. Ray turned to the voice, seeing not the young boy he remembered, but a man who stood tall and clad in slim clothes.

"Max!"

Max smiled, tilting his head. "Hey guys, what's up? Good to see you!"

"You certainly grew!" Tyson commented, measuring himself against his friend. "You're almost as tall as me!"

"I'll get there!" Max retorted, embracing Tyson in a friendly hug. Ray smiled softly, his mind full of memories from their childhood. Max had always been the calm one, the one everyone looked to for a sense of peace. He had invested himself in the field of athletic engineering, building and repairing cars for the drifters of the world. NASCAR apparently also covered health benefits.

The airport was beginning to empty of people now, the sun setting behind them on the ocean, a few remaining gulls making their way across the frozen air and into the warmth of their nests.

"I'm surprised you got as much snow as you did Tyson." Ray stated, gazing out at the white land. A few snow flurries floated down from the airport's rooftop, but nothing was too out of place.

"Me too, I mean we got a foot, but seeing as it is December this isn't uncommon." He turned to Max. "I bet in New York they got a lot too!"

"This winter's been pretty stable actually." Max replied, the three of them making their way to the last remaining flight terminal.

"We only had a few inches, and then a big snowstorm, but then it all melted in time for my plane. I was lucky!"

"Did you get the gift I sent you?"

"Yeah, did you get our gifts?"

"Of course I did!" Max smiled. "Thank you guys so much! I hope you got mine as well!"

"You bet." Ray smirked. "Now all we have to do is wait for Kai." He gazed at Tyson. "You did invite him right?"

"It wouldn't be a party without him."

Ray laughed with Max at Tyson's reply, all of them smiling. Ray knew that all of them had come to Tyson to really reconnect with each other, catch up on everything that had happened in their lives. Even though they had stayed connected, there was nothing that compared to a good old fashioned get together.

Especially when beer was involved.

Their footsteps echoed in the empty terminal, and as they neared the entrance door a familiar pair of grey eyes met them. The man smirked at them pleasantly, his eyes showing more excitement than his face.

"Kai, you made it!" Max exclaimed.

"To me, it's spring."

"Very funny Mr. Russia." Tyson sneered. Kai hmped back in return, but put a hand on Tyson's shoulder.

"Good to see you Kai." Ray said, staring at him. "You haven't changed a bit."

"If I did I wouldn't be Kai now would I?"

Ray's heart fluttered as his friends all talked and caught up on their lives, what was going on, the latest news, and especially who was with who nowadays. The holidays were the perfect time to get together and really go wild. They would party and hopefully have plenty of time to really bond. After all, they were going to be together for a whole month!

* * *

The house was as warm as Ray remembered, the floorboards creaking under his weight as he moved into the open guest room and put down his belongings. The snow fell gently outside, coating the land in a mystical white. His back hurt from the airplane seats, and he was tired. Sleeping on a plane was nothing like sleeping in the comfort of a bed.

"You guys know what to do," Tyson's voice rang out from the kitchen a few feet away. "The fridge is here and the stove is there, bathroom's still where it's supposed to be, and you know your way around."

While Max and Kai set their bags down and changed into their pajamas, Ray took the opportunity to talk to Tyson for a second. He was curious as to why he had invited them all here and why during the Christmas holiday.

Stepping into the hallway, he spied Tyson sighing heavily while staring out the window of the kitchen. Ray sensed a chill in the air, and his legs carried him towards his friend.

"Tyson?"

Tyson seemed to snap out of his trance and Ray's hand hovered over his friend's shoulder. He saw that Tyson's eyes were murky, and not their usual vibrant brown color. Ray licked his lips and swallowed, speaking softly.

"You okay?"

The darkness of the night settled in upon them, the white of the moon illuminating his friend's somber expression. Tyson seemed a little out of time as he replied.

"Yeah I uh… …" his words died almost immediately, and Ray could smell that something was misplaced. Tyson was so bubbly and energetic, and now this? How could someone be so sad this early in the holiday season?

"Tyson what is it?" Ray asked gently, coming closer to Tyson. "You know you can tell me…"

His words made Tyson peer into Ray's golden eyes. Their eyes made contact and almost immediately Ray could feel the sorrow seeping from Tyson's pores. From outside the birds were finding their place in the nests above the human's heads, high in the trees with their wings flapping to get home. Ray could hear everything.

"Tyson…"

Before he could say another word, Tyson slipped past him and into the guest room, joining the others. Ray's eyes drifted towards the floor, his red gloved hand clenching in a fist. He pursed his lips.

* * *

"That's a long time to be working there."

"Well, I had to build upon my father's company, couldn't have the Hiwatari enterprises go down in flames."

"I see."

The flames of the fire flickered in the night, shadows dancing on the walls of Tyson's house as the friends sat around the warmth. They spoke of each other's lives, and even of their girlfriends, past and present.

"You know Emily is a hard head… always has been, but when we broke up… seemed like she didn't really seem all that troubled by it. I mean she took it lightly."

"Maybe she was shacking up with someone else Max." Tyson replied, sipping his hot chocolate. Ray stole a glance in Tyson's direction, sensing a building tension. His eyes narrowed.

"I don't know… but now… I feel like there's no other girl out there for me…" Max sighed, sipping his chocolate. "I mean… I really liked her."

"There will always be someone else." Kai answered firmly, "You just have to find her."

Tyson clicked his tongue, smirking.

"You're one to talk Mr. Single forever."

"I prefer to keep it that way." Kai snapped, glaring at his friend. "Girls make things difficult."

"I guess."

Silence filled the room as the friends stared into the fire and drank their chocolate. So much had happened to each and every one of them, but of course, Ray knew there was something off about Tyson. His friend could not be that sad and lonely so early on in the game.

"What about you Ray?" Max asked, getting Ray's attention. Ray looked over at his friend and tilted his head.

"What do you mean?"

"What about Mariah? What happened there?"

"Oh Mariah?" he sighed, putting his chin in his knees. "Well, she broke up with me to date Kevin… I wonder how that turned out."

"Ouch."

"That little midget kid?" Tyson exclaimed, unbelieving. "He was a shrimp compared to you!"

"I know, but you know, girls like what girls like. But this was a while ago. So it doesn't really bother me anymore." Ray smiled half heartedly. "It bothers her brother more than it bothers me, so I guess it's okay!"

Tyson shook his head while Max shrugged his shoulders. "They come and they go. I seriously thought you were going to get married and have a kid named Rin."

Ray's eyebrow rose.

"Uh… you thought it out fully?"

"Somehow I feel like that should have happened…"

Ray shrugged and drank the last of his chocolate, setting his mug down. He extended his legs and stretched his worn out back, undoing his ponytail to let his hair loose.

"Your hair got a lot longer since we met Ray." Kai examined, gazing at him. Ray ran his fingers through his locks and waved his head back and forth.

"I like to keep it long. Helps with attracting the ladies."

"Have you had any luck?" asked Max.

"Not so much. There aren't that many interested females in China… not sure why. Maybe I'm just too out there?"

"You? Of course not. You're the most down to Earth guy I know." Tyson stated happily, smiling. "You're a great friend and a great guy."

"Down to Earth huh?" Ray parroted, his eyes narrowing at Tyson. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You're hiding something Tyson. You've been doing that since we got here."

Almost immediately Tyson's eyes widened and his body stiffened. Ray knew he had hit a hard spot in Tyson's heart, and sat closer to his friend.

"Tyson, you know you can tell us anything… what's up?"

Tyson pursed his lips. Ray could see that his body was beginning to tremble, and he spoke gently.

"Why did you call us here? Now of all times? Shouldn't you be spending this time with your grandpa?"

Max came closer as did Kai, all three of them surrounding Tyson.

"What's the deal Tyson? Why the sad face all of a sudden?" Max inquired, reaching out to his friend.

Their hands met and Tyson flinched away harshly. Kai lowered his head to speak.

"Tyson, stop being so introverted and just come out with it."

The fire seemed to blaze against them, shadows painting Tyson's face. He bit his lower lip, Ray watching as Tyson placed his hands upon his lap.

"This Christmas…. I spent alone…"

Ray's ears perked, Max and Kai blinking.

"Grandpa… the day before Christmas he…"

The pain in Tyson's eyes glimmered in the flames of the fire that was beside them, and almost immediately Ray understood.

"Tyson…"

"Oh Tyson…"

"Tyson…"

The man shook his head back and forth, shielding his eyes and hiding his face away from them all. Ray's heart dropped and sunk into his stomach, his ears almost hearing the splash of impact. His hand hovered over Tyson's back for a second before rubbing.

The man trembled under Ray's pressure and could hold on no more.

"Grandpa had been fighting it… fighting it for some time now… and never in my dreams did I… I should've…"

"Was it… cancer?" Max asked quietly.

A nod was all the reply he got.

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Kai questioned, coming over to Tyson's side like Ray and Max.

"I… I knew he didn't have much time… so I called out to you guys… hoping that he would last me until Christmas but… he just…"

"We know… we know…" Ray lifted Tyson up to a seated position again, as Tyson had crumpled in a messy heap of tears and shudders. Max came around and embraced his friend, who proceeded to sob upon his shoulder.

"I just wish I had known! I wish I could have done something!" his voice cracked and he was shaking hard, but his friends knew that all he needed was comfort at this time.

Ray looked down at the ground, and then flicked his eyes over to Kai. Kai gazed back at him and nodded, gathering the mugs and proceeding to the kitchen to wash whatever was in the sink.

"It's going to be okay Tyson." Ray cooed, helping Tyson to his feet. Max held onto one of Tyson's arms as Ray joined him on the other side, getting Tyson to slowly make his way over to his room.

Ray undid the bed sheets and turned on a lamp so they could see. Max let Tyson down softly upon his bed, kneeling by his side and patting his back. The man sobbed and sobbed, Ray having never seen Tyson like this before.

The night was growing darker, and Ray spied a clock hanging on the wall.

"Ten…"

He knelt down by Tyson's side as well, tucking his friend under the covers and sighing. He knew the reason now… Tyson needed some family, some sort of comfort…

_His mother died… and his father is god knows where… _

Almost an hour passed before Tyson finally settled down and cried himself to sleep, his friends keeping a watchful eye over him.

Ray stood up and helped Max up, as his legs had turned to noodles. The two friends gazed at each other before Ray decided to speak.

"Everything makes sense now… since he called us here… and the last few letters I got from him…"

"He sounded sad right?" Max asked as they headed towards the guest room.

"He did… but I never thought…"

"If something bothers him, Tyson wouldn't let it out easily." Kai appeared beside them from the kitchen, wiping his hands off on his pants. His eyes were soft.

"He's in a lot of pain right now…"

Ray nodded, taking off his clothes and changing into his pajamas. The fire had died out, Ray changing in the darkness and settling into his bed that was parallel to both Max and Kai's. His thoughts wandered to his friend and his heart ached in sorrow for Tyson's loss.

_He doesn't have much family but us… and I know that pain better than anyone… _

Slowly, the dim dark swept over him and his body warmed with the sheets. His thoughts began to linger and hush, quieting his mind and making his eyes droop.

Tomorrow was another day.


	2. Keys

He awoke with a start, his body and mind numb to the world around him. His fingers found the floor and he pushed up with his strength, his eyes focusing on the walls around him.

How long had he been asleep?

Dawn was setting in upon the room, daylight peeking in through the door and shadowing his friends who lay upon their side, still deep in slumber. Soft ticking of clock hands made his ears twitch and slowly he sat up, his mind whirring.

_Tyson… that's right. I'm at Tyson's place. Last night… what the hell happened? _

He tasted the foul in his mouth and almost immediately he knew. His eyes caught sight of liquor bottles and champagne that littered the floor along with some unknown substances that stained the wood. Still looking around he happened upon a bent over Tyson, his head smashed into his pillow and his ass high in the air, butt naked.

Ray shielded his eyes and looked away, getting up as he did so. His head pounded and his body didn't react too kindly to his movements, but he still made his way over to the bathroom where he found Kai's head inside the toilet. The bathroom was the only clean place in the house, as various smells and garbage lined the walls. Ray moved Kai's body into the bathtub, where Kai proceeded to murmur something about a girl named Vienna.

Unzipping his pants, Ray relieved himself in the toilet and washed his hands, trying to rid himself of the horrifying taste in his mouth. He brushed his teeth twice, finally getting a minty fresh taste.

_We got fucked up last night… man… _

His mind began to reel back in time, back to when he first got to Tyson's place. His feet slid over the tiles as he walked back into the guest room and changed his clothes, stretching as he did so.

_It's been a week since I've been here… and all we've been doing is drinking and getting fucked up. Tyson picked out the flowers and the casket during that week… we buried Grandpa… and then what? He still hasn't really gotten over anything. He's just been turning to alcohol… and we aren't much help either. _

His clothes were finally clean and when he entered into the living room he plopped down upon a popcorn filled couch, rubbing his head with both his hands.

_Tyson needs to contact his father… or even his brother… anybody… this is NOT how the holidays were meant to be spent… _

A groan from beneath him sent Ray to look downwards. Right beside his feet was a blond head, tainted red with blood and sticky with white goo that Ray had a feeling came from someone else.

"Hey… Hey Max…" Ray shook Max's head, trying to get him up somewhat. The body beneath him stirred and turned over, a hand coming up to rub the saliva off. Max picked himself up off the ground and gazed at Ray blankly until coming to light.

Max sat up hurriedly and nearly tipped over, Ray catching him.

"Slow down there buddy… we all had a hard night."

"Did we…" Max gasped, his breath smelling like liquor. "Did we do it again?"

Ray smiled weakly, nodding his head. "Yeah… we let Tyson persuade us into getting fucked up again…"

"Did… did she…?"

"I think so. I don't remember much buddy." Max nodded at Ray's words, a small smile creeping in upon his drunken face.

"That's good." He collapsed again, Ray holding his body with all his strength. Ray sighed heavily, dragging Max's body up and onto the couch, hearing Tyson moan from the other room. The clock continued to tick heavily, and Ray knew that they had not done anything to help their friend.

The funeral had been held promptly, Tyson having all the arrangements set up so that everything ran smoothly. Unfortunately, neither Tyson's brother nor his father showed up to the get together, so the only people who attended were those who Tyson had called from foreign lands. Outside of them, he had nobody.

Hilary and Kenny had also attended of course, and even his old school teacher Mrs. Kenkaid, but even with that Ray had to assume Tyson felt alone in the world. Not having any family left that was close was enough to get anybody depressed.

This is where alcohol came in.

With liquor and booze Tyson was able to put away his depression for a while and let his mind run free, free of any trouble or any sort of hassle whatsoever. The downfall of alcohol was that the repercussions of hangovers outweighed the simplicity of drinking. Tyson was on his way to a spiral of misery and grief.

* * *

"Tyson you know you have a problem."

A few more specks of dust were thrown inside the garbage can, Tyson barely looking up from his chore. Ray stared at him some more before Kai chimed in.

"You're being a pussy about this."

"You try losing everyone you ever knew."

"My father walked away when I was a kid, and I have heard not a single peep from my mother. So grow some balls and take charge of your emotional constipation."

Ray sighed, seeing Tyson's eyes flare up in rage over Kai's comment. Kai however was unmoved, and pursed his lips. Ray could see another fight was coming.

"Look, we all get that Tyson's a little upset, but we need to figure out a better solution to this."

Finally Max decided to join the conversation, taking the last of the cleaning supplies off the counter and fitting them into a drawer.

"He's grieving, and he's at a loss. I mean, the best thing to do now is to contact Hiro and figure out how he's going to pay for-"

"I'm not calling Hiro."

The friends silenced at Tyson's snap. His eyes turned to them in fury, his hands clenching into a fist.

"I'm not calling that low life bastard. He can do whatever he wants… he's all rich and famous now… son of a bitch didn't even show up to Grandpa's funeral."

"Tyson…" Ray began, stepping towards him. "Tyson you have family. Hiro's family. Family's the most important thing in the world. You know that. Without family… what have you got? Hiro can help you. He's got money and he knows people. Maybe if you-"

"I said I'm not calling him!" Tyson slammed his fist down upon the kitchen counter, rattling a flower vase that sat upon the marble.

"When he left he didn't even say goodbye! So why should I stick my neck out for him when he couldn't even do the same for me?"

Ray sighed again, shaking his head. "I know what you're saying, but that doesn't justify anything. Family does whatever they can for their own…" he breathed, looking downwards.

"Tyson, just give it a shot, okay?" Max said gently, taking Tyson's arm. "You never know, it might turn out for the better."

Tyson pursed his lips together, and turned his heel, shaking his head.

"I would rather die than call him."

Kai snorted out his nose.

"You're never going to get any better if you act like that."

"I don't have a problem."

"You just don't want to admit that you do."

With that, Kai folded his arms and got out his cell phone. He turned his back to them, speaking over his shoulder.

"I'll be back later on tonight; I have some business I need to address."

Ray nodded his head, speaking.

"Alright… see you later Kai."

The door closed gently behind Kai and as Ray turned to talk to Tyson, Max gazed at him.

"I think we should give Tyson some space for now… it looks like he's got a lot to deal with."

Ray swallowed, gazing at his friend who somehow managed to keep himself from exploding in Kai's face. Tyson had learned to control his boiling emotions. He was growing up.

* * *

"I'm going to the martial arts class… do you want me to pick up anything on my way back?"

They were alone now, the afternoon setting in as Ray began to walk out the door and into the snowy weather. The air was brisk and full of life as birds chirped overhead and the sun poured down through the sky. Ray shielded his eyes from the bright glare of the snow as he opened the door, letting the cool air whisk his breath away.

Tyson sat on the couch in the living room watching television, a beer bottle in his hand and the remote in the other. He paid little attention to what Ray said, but merely shook his head.

"Well… I have my cell on me if you need anything, okay?"

Tyson's response was a nod and a "See you later."

Ray shut the door behind him, glad he had found a local college that was holding a martial arts class in the middle of the holidays. This was something to keep him busy and occupied while Tyson boded over what to do with his life.

His feet led him onwards as he thought to himself, sighing.

_Tyson's a good guy… he's just so misled… what happened? When did he get so into drinking and things like that… I never thought Tyson could be that way… _

The snow was glittering all around him as he approached the front doors of the college, making his way inside and looking about. The paper he had with him told him that the class was being held two floors up, and across the hall.

_Tyson… needs our help… but I don't know how to get across to him that we are here to help him…. he's so stubborn and doesn't take advice from anybody… I just hope we don't lose the old Tyson… _

The hallways were empty as he made his way around, Ray barely noticing that each and every one of the rooms was locked. He read the room numbers and eventually came into an empty classroom, where a few punching bags hung from the ceiling in a warmly lit spacious room.

Ray gazed around for a second before hearing the voice of someone behind him.

"Can I help you?"

Ray turned to see a janitor holding a mop in his hand, gazing at him softly.

"Wasn't there supposed to be a class in here?"

"Oh that martial arts class?" the man rubbed his tired face and grey beard, sighing as he did so. "There weren't enough people to make the class, so it got cancelled."

"Oh…"

The man wiped a grubby hand upon his dirty trousers and tilted his head towards the door.

"I opened it up so I could mop up a bit, but seein as you're here… you want in?"

Ray watched as the man shuffled inside and mopped the floors very carefully, each stroke seeming like he was writing something on precious paper rather than cleaning a floor. Ray watched in interest until the man came back to him and pointed inside.

"Turned the heater on for 'ya. I think you're gonna be warm enough. If you need it higher, just ask."

"Hey…" Ray began, stopping the man from turning around. "Why'd you let me in?"

The man licked his lips and smirked at Ray knowingly, Ray's eyebrows furrowing.

"Something tells me you got a lot on your mind and you need some space." He leaned in on his mop and nodded his head slowly, as if understanding Ray's entire existence.

"Young guys like you got a lot of problems that don't need to be problems. You overthink things." He poked his own head. "And get all washed up in your needs and wants… but you don't really see the big picture. You know what I mean? Everybody's gotta get somethin' in this life… so why not just live it as it is?"

Ray stared at him for a second before gazing at the ground and flicking his eyes back up.

"Yes… I believe I understand."

The old man nodded his head and motioned inside, Ray following his lead and stepping into the rather warm room. He took off his jacket and set aside his bag, hanging his clothes on a nearby chair. He put on his gloves and cracked his knuckles, readying himself for a little bit of training.

"What's your name kid?"

Ray turned to the old man again, who had seemed to put down his mop and leaned against the wall.

"Name's Ray. You?"

"Hank. Hank Morrison."

"Sounds American."

"You'd be surprised how many of us are over here in Japan land."

Ray laughed. "Never would have thought."

"Ray huh? Tell you what," Hank walked forward and dropped something into Ray's bag, Ray hearing the clinking of metal.

"You can come here and practice all you like, and when you're done, you lock up and slip my keys into my office about three doors down from here."

Ray stood back in surprise.

"You… you mean it?"

Hank nodded and chuckled, snorting through his nose.

"I got a feelin from you kid… I like you. Something about you reminds me of…" his words trailed off as Hank turned around and laughed again, pushing his crate of cleaning supplies down the hallway and shouting

"You're gonna be somethin' kid… you're gonna be somethin'…"

Ray breathed silently as Hank's voice died down the hall, his mind a wandering space of thoughts and dreams.

_Something huh?_

* * *

His adrenaline was pumping and his heart was racing, sweat beading down his forehead. He breathed in and out slowly, readying his fists. With a loud shout he hit the bag again, this time nearly splitting the bag into two pieces. He caught the heavy thing and set it back into place, his legs taking him over to his bag to drink some water that he had with him.

The room was nice and warm as he practiced; his concentration and strength growing with each and every punch and kick. He was getting stronger.

Time away from Tyson did me good… hopefully when I get back he called his brother…

Slowly, Ray sat down in the middle of the room, which had bamboo placemats lined in a square. He settled himself comfortably on the floor and opened his hands, crossing his legs and closing his eyes.

_I think Tyson just needs to… …. _

His thoughts were interrupted by the sweet sound of a piano coming from another room. His ears perked and he listened carefully, the sound very faint but altogether very much alive.

_A piano… a piano on this floor? _

Stone silence was all around him, but through the silence he could hear sweet and soft music coming from somewhere he did not understand.

_Where is this sound coming from? _

He listened more, his body relaxing and his heart calming down with the sensation of peace that drowned him with warmth and passion. Ray's mouth upturned in a small smile as he listened more, the music captivating him and making him wish he knew how to play an instrument himself.

A few more minutes of listening proved useful as his body relaxed completely and his heart rate calmed down. Ray flexed his fingers and found that he glided through the air when he moved, feeling elevated.

_That music… I need to know where that music is coming from! _

Gathering his items he put his jacket back on and walked out the door, locking it behind him.

_Sweet notes… such a sweet melody… soft… but yet so delicate. _

He slid the keys into Hank's room just as the janitor had said, and then followed his ears towards the sound that made his heart flutter.

_Those notes… the way that they flow together… who's playing that? _

His feet led him where his ears dragged him, stopping in front of a classroom that was empty save for a grand piano that happened to be sitting near the window, facing the door to the hallway.

Ray came to a stop in front of the glass door, peering inside and listening to the sweet notes as he did so. His eyes strained to see in the dim lighting, but when he found what he was looking for, he breathed.

A young girl sat on the bench, her fingers lightly hitting the keys as she rocked back and forth, her eyes shut as if she were concentrating but not a single emotion expressed upon her face. She looked at peace with herself and the world.

_She looks so peaceful… she plays really well… _

Her dark colored hair had bangs that covered her forehead, but left enough for her glasses. She swayed back and forth, her slender fingers gliding over the keys as if she had known them all her life.

Slowly the music stopped and her fingers came to rest upon a sweet sad note at the very end, Ray watching as the hands came up and rubbed her shoulders, pushing back her hair to reveal two golden gauges on each ear. She seemed to sigh to herself as she stood up, brushing her black jeans off and closing the piano's mouth.

Ray's hand felt for the door handle, and slowly he opened the glass, the girl whirling around to see him standing before her. They stood a mere ten feet apart, but Ray felt like he was standing much farther away. He smiled at her, closing the door behind him.

"You play really well."

She did not reply to him, Ray waiting for a while before realizing that she stared at him like a deer in the headlights. The smile died from his face as he swallowed, suddenly feeling like he had scared her somehow.

"I just…" he cleared his throat. "I was in the other room down the hallway and I heard you play… and I just thought I might tell you that you play really nicely… I just-"

All at once the girl grabbed her bag that had been lying on the floor and bolted into another room to his right using a door he had not seen.

"H-Hey! Wait a second!"

He ran after her, the door closing and locking before he could get to the handle in time. He pushed on the lever, but the door would not budge, Ray knocking on the door.

No answer came from inside the door, and he backed away slowly, licking his lips. Her eyes were so frightened, and Ray wondered if he had actually really scared her. He knocked on the door again only to find no answer, finally deciding to leave the room and go back to Tyson's house.

His eyes fell upon the piano once again, and he could see that she took great care to put back the piano as if nobody had ever touched the keys. Slowly, his fingers ran across the piano bench, and even onto the front.

_Who are you? _


	3. Snow

"So… you moved back here huh?"

"Not moved… just… visiting."

"I see."

He breathed out, his breath coming out cold and foggy in the snowy afternoon. The sun was high above them, Max turning up his head to see a few birds passing overhead, cawing through the sky. He pursed his lips.

"She really didn't seem to care much."

"I can't blame you for thinking that… the way she is… she'll always be like that."

Max turned to the blue haired girl sitting next to him. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well," the girl sighed and tucked her hands into her brown coat pockets. "She's a hard head… and she knows what she wants. If she doesn't like one thing about you she'll flip. I can't say that I know from experience, but that just seems like who she is."

Max turned his head towards the sky again, his body shivering with a little bit of cold.

"How about we go to the local café?"

Her voice rang out in the empty park, Max finally getting his rump off of the stone cold bench that they sat on. He stood up and pulled his scarf around his lips more, muffling his voice but preventing him from getting any cooler than he already was.

"Alright, then let's go. The one by the fountain?"

"Yeah, that one."

Max began to walk, sensing the girl following in behind him carefully. She walked beside him, the man looking down at her warmly.

"It's good to see you again Miriam… sorry I bored you with all of my personal drama."

Miriam shrugged her shoulders and flipped her long hair back, gazing at him with her piercing emerald eyes.

"It's no big. I mean… we've both changed a lot haven't we Max?"

"Since we last saw each other?"

She nodded, kicking a pebble down the street. "The last time I saw you, you were in the national world championships of Beyblade and then you left… you four parted ways and in a way we all did…" her voice trailed off, leaving Max to spy at her through his peripheral vision.

"We all did?"

"Yeah…" she mimicked, sighing and looking up into the sky. "Ozuma… Joseph… Dunga… everyone kind of just disappeared after you four broke up… there was no reason for us to stay together. I mean I keep in touch with everyone but you know how that works out…"

"Skype can only do so much." Max replied with a smile.

They reached the café, and as Max opened the door for Miriam he spied a couple off to his left having an argument over something that sounded like money issues. He paused for a second, his hand sliding down the door's frame and letting down to his side. His eyes were glued to them, and as the women stood up she whacked the man she was sitting across from with her purse, walking off in a huff. Max swallowed and pursed his lips, his heart suddenly feeling as though a dagger had run through.

"Max?"

The voice startled him and as he looked up he saw Miriam staring at him peculiarly. He gazed at her before shaking his head and replying to her unspoken question.

"I'm alright."

* * *

The café was empty save for a few people who were taking advantage of the free wi-fi that happened to be offered. Max sipped at his latte while Miriam took big gulps of her coffee. Both sat in silence, not speaking a word.

A coffee cake was shared between them, and as Miriam reached for the remaining piece, Max spoke.

"Do you think… that maybe the reason why she broke up with me is because I'm not the man she wanted me to be?"

Miriam's hand floated over the cake.

"What do you mean?"

He looked down into his cup, almost seeming to drift in and out of a daze. He felt nausea.

"I don't know… sometimes I think that people take me lightly… all because of my carefree attitude and my kindness…"

The hand came down upon the cake and lifted the morsel up to the mouth. She bit down, chewing thoughtfully.

"Well, if that's the way you feel," she took a sip of her coffee. "Then why not just tell her that?"

"Because she's a complete asshole when it comes to telling her stuff like that. She's too hardheaded and unstable in a relationship… I mean… she complained because I was ten minutes late to answering her text… I told her I was in the shower!"

Miriam's voice rang out like bells as she laughed, holding her sides. Max breathed in, smiling to get his face to move from his frowned position.

"Yeah… I guess that is pretty ridiculous."

Miriam nodded her head, replying back to him.

"Ever think of just dating someone else? Like staring fresh with someone you haven't seen in a while?"

Max shrugged his shoulders, peering out into the streets. Snow flurries whipped up in the air, sending a few people to reach for their scarves. He sighed, watching as a bird flew overhead and thinking of Emily's eyes and how angry they were towards him when they had their argument.

"What… did you fight over?"

Miriam's voice was almost too quiet to hear, but Max managed to catch her whispers. He rolled the latté cup in his hands back and forth, thinking. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about her, and the VERY last thing he wanted to do was bring up what they argued about.

_I mean it was a whole mess of things… a whole lot of things went wrong… everything about our relationship… _

"It was fake I guess."

"Fake?"

"Yeah… like those movies that you see where the pretty girl is dating some dude who's just in it for the sex… but for us it was different… I guess I was more into it than she was…" he smirked and crushed his cup, throwing the cardboard into the trash.

"When someone can't provide you with what you want… then you can either deal with it, or you can just… up and leave. And that's what she did…" he murmured, shaking his head and ruffling his golden hair.

"But in the end I guess it was best for me… after all… I guess everyone wants THAT."

Miriam stared at him until he got up and dusted himself off, putting his jacket back on. He tapped his left foot twice, thinking to himself mostly.

_She wanted it so bad too… but I could always just… no… I can't go back and beg her to come back to me… again… I was in it more than she was… and she didn't seem like she wanted to do anything BUT that… I said no so many times… but no matter how many times I said no she always wanted to go and do it… _

_Frozen flowers… sands of time… everything moves on… spring comes… everything keeps moving on and on… I can't stay in one place… but… _

_Tyson seems to be in just a bad place as any one of us… Ray got dumped… I got dumped… Kai's completely uninterested in girls and… there just seems to be so much going on… in our heads. Outside we seem completely fine… but what about our hearts? What about what's happened to us? Our memories, our doubts, our fears, our loves? Everything we ever came to know and cherish… _

_We share that with one person and then they go and break your heart? What is that? Is that what love is? Is this what heartbreak feels like? _

Max put a hand to his stomach and stopped, seeing that he had walked into some snow.

_I feel like I got punched in the stomach, but nothing more than that. I feel like I had just got hit… just got hit… maybe it's more pain than this? Maybe love is more painful? _

Soft fingers grasped his hand, and as Max snapped out of his train of thought he spied Miriam smiling at him. His blue eyes bore into her, his heart warming at the sight of her smile.

"Sometimes we have to move on from those things… sometimes we forget what's really important in life…"

Letting go of his hand Miriam walked further into the snow, speaking to him.

"If we forget what it's like to be loved, or to really and truly love, then how can we grow as people? How can we move on from what we haven't learned? We stay in one place. We can't ever move."

His hands curled into gentle fists, stretching his fingers.

"That's the same as being trapped in a cage… isn't it?" he asked.

Miriam shook her head, spinning around almost gracefully to him.

"Being trapped is against our own will… we long for the outside if we are caged… but in contrast, if we cage ourselves… if we chose to live in that cage… is that really someone else's fault?"

_Miriam… _

"Hey," his ears perked at her voice.

"Yeah?"

"Look."

The sky above them had turned a deep grey color, Max holding out a hand to catch a snow flurry that drifted down towards him. He watched as the flake melted in his hand carefully, forming water and riding off into the snow. Again and again flakes landed on him, and one by one they melted.

_We are all like little drops of water… we change… we move… we go on. We exist. We live. If I can find it in myself to move on… and realize what she did… then maybe… just maybe… I can find myself again. _

"Heads up!"

Before he had a chance to react his face was pelted with something cold and wet, sending him flying onto his back in the snow.

"What the!"

Miriam's laughter made him sit up, seeing her with a snowball in her hand. Max blinked a few times before a sly smile overcame his face. He chuckled and grabbed a handful of snow, chucking at her.

Miriam ducked around the snowball, but not before Max had another one hurling at her. The snowball hit her hard, and she was sent sprawled on her back. Max laughed heartily, holding his stomach.

"Got you!"

The woman sat up and glared at him, hurling another snowball.

"You're gonna pay for that!"

Together, they made footprints in the snow, their bodies warming up the snow and melting the flakes as the sky rained down upon them. Frozen snow was turned into warm water as they rolled around, laughter ringing in the air and snowballs flying left and right. They howled with laughter and eventually their joy died with the sounds of evening wind.

Max lay on his back next to Miriam, who had some ice stuck to her hair. He breathed in and out heavily, gazing at her.

"That was fun."

"Figured you could use some fun."

"It's been a while since I really laughed like that."

"Figured that too."

Max smiled and breathed out, letting his warm escape his body.

"Thank you, Miriam."

The woman chuckled, shaking her head.

"Thank you, Max. For making me feel better too!"

They laughed and laughed again, their voices ringing out like Christmas bells. Eventually Max turned silent as he felt something warm in his hand. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked down to see what he had managed to grasp a hold of.

His heart began to feel warm, his body spreading the warmth and making Max feel like he had just curled up into bed for a good night sleep.

_This feeling… it's so warm… and so comforting… what is this? _

His eyes drifted down to his hand, and for some reason Miriam was staring at the same place as he was. Max's cheeks erupted in bright red, his eyes locking on his hand. He could see from the corner of his eye that she was blushing too, seeming to feel the same way that he did.

Their fingers were intertwined.


	4. Dreams

"You've been here… all along…"

"I never left."

His eyes were fixated upon her burning fiery eyes. She was beautiful. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. He breathed out; the waves of the shoreline touching his bare feet and making him almost believe that he were in paradise.

Almost.

"I have waited so long for you to get here…"

"I know you have… I haven't seen you in so long…"

She took his hand lovingly, their fingers nestled in the tiny grains of sand that washed over them and made him shiver. His heart beat with joy as she gazed at him with that look of hers… that look that she would give him when she knew she wanted something… that look she gave him when she wanted him so bad she couldn't hold herself.

"Come with me."

"What?"

"We can get out of here… leave this place… restart."

"But… I can't just… Tyson he…"

"You can bring your friends." She added, gazing at him. "You have money, they do as well. We can all live together. You can finally introduce me to them."

His memories spawned, his eyes closing to feel her lips upon him, caressing his moist tongue as she dug deep into him. She knew how to turn him on.

His back was eventually on the sand, his breaths coming in fast and hot as she lay on top of him, her body warming him even more.

He loved her.

She was all he ever wanted.

Her fiery red hair and her fiery red eyes; everything about her screamed flames and passion. His love for her ignited the single day he met her, out on the morning. He remembered that morning all so well.

He remembered being late for a business appointment, and got caught in the rain. He had held the local newspaper over his head for a little dry, and made his way towards his car and eventually to work, where he parked and then headed inside but not before hearing the cries of a victim.

He remembered pulling out his pistol and heading towards the sound, the poor woman on her knees and begging for mercy. She pleaded for her life, and he remembered how the rapist stood above her, his dick up and out like he had the glory of the world. He remembered how upset he was over seeing her like that, and how enraged he became. He was a Wildman, taking the man's life and escaping with her in one piece.

He drove her to where she lived, she didn't ask any questions. Her mouth was shut the entire time coming and going, her eyes coated with tears and fear.

He recalled pulling up to her steps, the small apartment building seeming like just enough room for two. She pulled away from him, told him that he didn't need to save her. He had to, he replied. He had to save someone innocent. That was what his friends taught him.

She smiled at him.

"_I'm sure you have someone waiting for you upstairs…" _

"_On the contrary I do not… I have this… phobia… this fear of men." _

"_And why is that?" _

"… _After today… do I really need to elaborate?" _

He spoke with her about menial things, and how they would not call the police, seeing as he did not want to become a criminal. Not yet anyways.

She was dressed that day in red and orange, her passion showing through her clothing. His eyes were always locked upon her lips however, her deep red lipstick making him believe that there was more behind this woman than he would ever understand.

The rain began to pour again, as the skies had cleared but decided to drain them again. She insisted that he come inside, for some tea or perhaps coffee if he were the type.

He suggested whiskey.

She spoke with him at first very delicately, like a flower. He knew that she was sensitive, and rather fragile. Her way about her was very placed, very poised. Her movements were graceful, yet sophisticated and carefully arranged, as if she wanted to maintain control over her very existence, and yet knowing that simple things like that were out of her control. Her hands were always placed upon her lap, her legs crossed. The rain pitter pattered on the window, and as they spoke more he recalled her becoming agitated and eventually falling into a tearing fit. Her words came out like vomit.

Her father always had a bottle in his hand.

Mother loved taking her medication.

Grandma was never seen, nor heard from after her second birthday.

The neighbors never asked any questions, and they always seemed to get new people moving in day in and out.

He listened to her, and he listened carefully. Her words were not so delicate as she was, for he learned in a short amount of time that she was a business woman, coming to his company for an interview for one of the social branches.

She had worked hard.

Gotten all A's.

She didn't like going home.

"_I love having dreams." _

"_Why's that?" _

"_They're so real… you forget that they're dreams." _

"_But then don't you miss reality? Dreams are just…" _

"_Imagination? Wishes of the mind? Of course… but one can never be too certain about dreams… perhaps they are more than what they seem…" _

"_Why do you say that?" _

"_Because you can live forever in a dream… but then you wake up… and only a few minutes have passed…" _

Their drinking led to more intimate talk, for now he spilled to her. How his father left, his mother he never heard from, and his abusive childhood.

In fact they were not at all that different.

He remembered how he had felt that day, hot and sticky. The fans in the room didn't do much help as the AC wasn't working properly either. She lived in a dump but refused to admit so. Her apartment was kept tidy, but she was in pieces internally. He recalled how she got up and suddenly took off her jacket, saying that the job was stupid and didn't really want to go back. his hands touched her side as he cooed to her, telling her that perhaps she should have considered the fact that he owned the company.

The look on her face never escaped his mind, and after that they fell into talking once again. She exposed herself, telling him that she was silly for having put all her faith in him… but then again never really letting anyone in but her best girlfriend, who happened to be away on vacation and was out of the country for a while. She had no one else.

Slowly but surely he felt his heart beat with compassion, and soon he found himself unable to leave her side. He had left that day feeling rather empty, not knowing her fate. He promised he would return, but did not leave a name.

The days went by and he saw her again and again, making his way to her apartment to see her and make sure she was alright. His body knew the route, and his heart led him there. He had no other reason to drive anywhere.

Her thoughts intrigued him.

She always spoke about dreams and of the future, the future she longed to have, and the time she would spend with her potential husband.

Dates became more common.

Holding hands was commonplace.

They were almost never apart.

Months went by, and eventually she accepted his offer of becoming a couple. She had resisted the idea, stating that her idea of a couple was so tormented and even skewed that she had no idea what to really look for in such a relationship. Slowly she began to lean in towards him though, he pulled her in tenderly. His hands would line her waist, his lips would graze her neck, and she would fall into him. She would always hug him.

Their lips never met, but he always kissed her neck, lining her and making her feel like a real woman (he thought). She would always tease him as well, she would line her lips to his and then pull back, almost too scared to do more.

A year passed, and he felt more love for her than any other woman in the world. Her body was perfect… she loved him he felt. He felt her love. She had fallen in love with him, and he had long fallen in love with her. Their life together would be simple.

He remembered those nights sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Having a mini fridge and talking about dreams late at night, contemplating the universe's secrets. He drove her around in a red Cadillac, a dream of hers, and let her shout to the world over a cliff, wearing stilettos and a mini skirt while holding a beer bottle.

He was never happier.

"_I want to." _

"… _What?" _

"_I want to. Right now. I feel that way." _

"_You… right now? But I thought-" _

"_I feel this way… right now. I don't want to lose this feeling… I never want to lose this feeling." _

"… _Neither do I." _

She had resisted him for so long… and when he tasted her lips he nearly came in his pants. He pushed her down gently; he knew her limits and her weaknesses. She had never loved any other man besides him, she confessed, and never even dated. He could understand. He had given into her as well, saying that many women had come after him, but he had saved all his love for her.

His love was placed in her on a warm summer night, the sticky hot making their love seem fierier than her eyes. Her hips were delicate, her body warm, and even as he caressed her breasts he felt like he wanted more. He wanted to melt into her, and make her a part of him forever.

"Do you remember that night?"

"Like it was just yesterday."

She held his hand, his memories eventually fading. Her fiery eyes dug into his heart, carving out her name. He licked his lips and knew that she had control over him, no matter how much he wanted to make her think that she had none. She always had the control.

He brushed up against her, kissing her neck.

"I've missed you…"

"I missed you so much…."

He loved her Russian accent.

Carefully, he looked up, and realized that they were sitting up now, her fiery hair becoming a blaze against the twilight sky. Gulls flew overhead and he whispered in her ear how much he loved her.

"My love… I never left."

His heart twisted, making him cry aloud. Something was tugging at the edge of his mind, something telling him that this was not right.

She gazed at him more, the sky behind her turning black and almost devilish. He breathed out, seeing the sand beneath him turn into mud and gunk. He screamed, pushing her off and trying to upright himself.

The woman seemed to back away from him, her eyes beginning to fill with tears.

"My love…"

He began to move towards her now, the muck dragging him deeper and deeper into the core of the Earth. He cried out to her, screaming her name. His hands reached, but muck pulled him down, his body struggling to stay afloat.

His vision blurred as the spray of the ocean covered his eyes, stinging him. He hollered in pain, but opened his eyes long enough to see that a wave the size of a mountain rushed at them. His heart leapt into his throat, his eyes widening in fear. He struggled more, crying out loud.

"Don't take her! Don't take her from me!"

He wanted her. He wanted those days back. He wanted everything back.

The wave crashed down upon them, and as he shut his eyes he could feel the cold ocean sting his bones.

* * *

_Julia… _

"Julia!"

"Kai!"

"JULIA!"

"KAI!"

A smack across his face woke him from his screaming, Kai bolting up in his bed. He breathed aloud, hard. He could feel sweat beading down his forehead, his body tensing and then relaxing as he realized where he was. Tyson came into his view and he swallowed, holding his forehead. His friends breathed out in relief, speaking.

"Kai… who's Julia?"

The sunlight poured in through the windows above him, and Kai looked up. He remained silent, his mind wandering and his lips pursing.

He missed her fiery red eyes.


	5. Nightingale

_There's something… strange about her… something I can't see in other people. _

"Ray?"

He snapped back to attention, looking up at his friend, who held a spoon in his hand. Tyson stared back at him and then sighed, shaking his head.

"First Kai, now you… I hope Max is well of mind."

"Can't help it. I mean… I told you the story."

"Yeah, yeah she's mysterious… so what? Girls are like that."

"Yeah but… her look… there was something I…"

Tyson ate through Ray's quiet, Ray's eyes catching Kai just staring at his plate. They had found him in the grass near a swing set in the local park, curled into a ball and unconscious. Ray leaned forward.

"Hey… you okay?"

Kai stared at him, almost in a panic.

"Me? Yeah… I'm fine."

"You don't look fine to me… looks like you've seen a ghost."

Kai held his eyes down, and then stood up, getting his jacket.

"I'm going out."

"Kai, will you call us next time you're in danger?" Tyson inquired, stopping Kai in his tracks. Ray watched quietly, seeing Kai turn his head.

"I will. This time… I will."

Ray breathed as Kai walked from the breakfast table into the snowy cold outside, shutting the door behind him. Tyson burped and continued eating, catching Ray's attention. Ray ate the rest of his food and stood up as well, turning his head towards the morning sun.

The sun shone through the windows, illuminating the snow so much that white cast over his eyes in a flash. He spoke.

"Last night… I think I heard Kai crying in his sleep."

Tyson's spoon stopped in mid air. He pursed his lips, putting down his utensil. His eyes dimmed.

"I… heard it too."

"Then… I wasn't the only one." Max stepped up next to Tyson, holding a towel to his hair. "After I came back from seeing Miriam I decided to see you guys… and then when we went to bed… I did remember hearing whimpering."

"Something's bothering him that he's not telling us." Ray replied.

"I agree…"

"Tyson, did you ever call your brother?"

Tyson growled at Ray's words, standing up.

"I said I wasn't calling him."

Ray stared at him in silence until Tyson sat down again and began to eat. Max said nothing as Ray grabbed his jacket and a few items from the kitchen table. He tapped his foot.

"Look… we have a month of winter break right? Why not take the time to just give it a try? It couldn't hurt."

Before Tyson could reply Ray exited through the door and began to walk towards the school once again, eager to hear the music.

* * *

"Morning Hank."

The janitor looked up from his bucket, his eyes sparkling and a smile upon his face.

"Ah, Mr. Martial Arts is here."

Ray smiled back at him.

"Think I could get the room again?"

Before the words were out of his mouth Hank shoved a pair of keys in his palm, ushering him towards the door. Ray walked with him towards the door, Hank saying that he had to clean the room up a bit before Ray practiced. During this time, Ray took the opportunity to ask Hank who the girl he saw was. Hank looked at him as though he had three heads.

"You don't know her?"

"There's a girl here?"

Ray sighed, seeing Hank open the door and turn on the light and the heat in the room, getting his mop out.

"There is… I heard her music the other day… and followed it to her. She was playing on a grand piano."

"Didn't hear her at all."

Ray's eyes followed the sunlight until he spotted a few birds perched on a tree branch outside the window. They tweeted and chirped, until one flew away. The rest of them followed, flying into the sky. He opened and closed his hand, his fingers trying to mimic the music he heard in his head. The room was lit now, and with the light came the bags he was to train with. Ray set his bag down and began to get undressed, thanking Hank for his attention to detail.

The school was quiet save for Ray's own movements and Hank rolling his cart out to the hallway to proceed to the other rooms. Before Ray strapped on his bandages, Hank spoke to him, Ray's ears perking.

"Sometimes, we hear what we want… because there are other things that speak louder than our brains."

Ray turned around, ready to reply, but found that the janitor was already gone. Ray swallowed, his lips pursed as the sound of quiet overcame him.

_There it is… the music! _

He opened his eyes quickly, his body shooting up to stand and run towards the sound. The music was coming from the same place as he had heard last time, and even though he was sweaty and tired he decided to follow the music again.

As he gathered his things quickly his body became relaxed. The music entranced him, made his body calm and soothed his soul.

_I need to know… there's something about that music…_

The day was close to the evening, the sun already orange in the sky. He turned to the open window for a second, contemplating leaving and just letting his emotions ride.

_But… I want to know… _

He paused, his feet wanting to move and his heart dragging him towards the music.

_I can't. _

His body moved on its own, his legs taking him back to the first place that he saw her, back to where he remembered that he scared her off. He panted as he ran, his body wanting to move faster, but his heart racing and telling him not to scare her off again.

His hand was nearly upon the handle when he stopped himself, taking a deep breath.

_Don't scare her. _

Carefully, he looked through the window, his eyes resting upon the girl who now wore a grey hat. He could feel his heart thumping with excitement as he heard her soft melodies, seeing her head bob back and forth to the slow beat of her music. Ray swallowed as he pressed his body closer to the wall, making sure she didn't see him just yet.

He listened to her music for a while, his eyes closing and his body at total ease with himself and life. Eventually a smile formed upon his face and he found himself drifting off into his dreams, imagining beautiful colors and waves.

The music stopped slowly, Ray finally working up enough nerve to tap on the door first before he entered the room.

He could hear the shuffle of feet stop as he knocked, Ray opening the door slowly and spying the girl standing next to the piano in the dimly lit room. She had that same look on her face as the other day. Ray took a step forward, seeing the girl take a step back.

"I'm not here to scare you."

She continued to gaze at him, her hands wound tightly around her books that were pressed against her chest. Ray blinked and took another step forward, seeing no movement come from her. He hesitated, but then closed the door behind him, dropping his belongings on the floor and speaking softly.

"I heard your music…"

At his words she bowed her head a little, her eyes narrowing. Ray waited a few seconds before speaking again.

"I heard it again… you play really-"

"Did they send you?"

Her deep voice cut him off and Ray flinched, not expecting to hear anything from her. He paused before he tilted his head.

"Sorry?"

"Who sent you huh?" she demanded, setting her books down on the piano top. "Did they send you? The popular kids? Those band assholes?"

"Hold on a second!" Ray replied, holding up his hands. "I wasn't sent by anybody!" he licked his lips, shaking his head.

"I don't even go here… I just heard your music and thought I might want to get a better listen."

The girl turned her head to the side, a growl escaping her lips.

"I can't believe a person I've never met before."

"I met you last time, doesn't that count?"

"No."

Ray sighed and let his hands down, shaking his head.

"Look, whoever it is that you're thinking about, I'm not one of them. I didn't come from anybody. I just flew in not too long ago."

"From where?"

"China."

"Nice lie."

"It's not a lie; I can prove it to you." Ray fumbled around in his pockets for a second before producing a passport, stepping closer to her and holding the material out.

"You can take a look for yourself."

The girl snorted and took the passport, flipping through the pages. Her eyes scanned over the document as Ray waited, not wanting to get her agitated. He was only a foot away from her now.

Eventually she closed the book and sighed, handing the passport back to him.

"Sorry about that."

Taking the passport and pocketing the book, Ray tilted his head, speaking.

"Who do you think sent me?"

"Just some idiots… that's all."

"Idiots? Idiots like what?"

She shrugged, turning her heel and gathering her belongings.

"Just idiots… I'm not a very likeable person."

Ray's eyes narrowed.

"Why's that?"

"I don't very much like people." She replied, fixing her hair.

"People don't understand me, my thoughts, and etcetera." She clacked her boots twice before turning to him.

"It's been real fun but I gotta go."

Ray ran in front of her, blocking her way. He was eager, he followed his heart.

"Hang on a second." He said, seeing the girl back away from him. "You ran from me last time, even though I said I liked your music, and now this? I don't even get a name?"

"Why should I tell you my name?"

"I'll tell you mine." He replied hopefully.

"Not a chance slick." She clicked her tongue, backing away and heading towards the other door to the piano's side. Again Ray went and blocked her, the girl backing away from him again.

"What do you want from me?!" she cried, glaring at him.

"I just want to know your name, that's all."

"Why? You don't know me, and I don't know you, so why should I give you anything?"

"I just want to know the name of the person who plays that beautiful music." Ray replied softly. The girl stopped, her eyes widening. She backed away from him more, shaking her head.

"You're lying… you can't be telling the truth… nobody…"

Ray watched her carefully, his eyes following her as she began to shake under her own weight. He stepped forward, holding out a hand.

"You okay?"

"Get away!" she said, suddenly breathing heavily. "Just go away!"

Ray set his gaze and came over to her, the girl backing away and into the wall, cowering in his shadow. He softened his gaze and looked down at her softly.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

The girl didn't reply but instead held her face away from him, shaking her head. Ray breathed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I didn't mean to upset you… I just… wanted to know how you played such beautiful music. That's all."

At that moment her eyes met his, Ray's heart thumping in his chest as he gazed at her. Her eyes captivated him, as he saw two sparkling stars in a lush of chocolate brown color.

_Her… her eyes… _

"You… think… I play good?"

Ray blinked, turning red at his long gaze.

"I think you play really beautiful music."

The girl turned to him now, wiping her eyes and nodding softly. Ray could see that she wasn't trembling anymore, his hands coming up to hold onto her shoulders if need be. He wanted to be gentle, as she seemed fragile in his eyes.

_She seems like… she's fragile but… the way she plays… is like she's in complete control… _

"Can I ask your name?"

She raised her eyes to meet him again, and once again Ray could feel his heart pump. He wanted to talk to her about everything he thought of, Ray confused as to what he was feeling.

"My name… my name's Crystal."

"Crystal… Crystal… okay." Ray smiled gently, holding out a hand to her, feeling the sweat form on his brow.

_Am I… nervous? _

"I'm Ray."

"Ray… nice to meet you." She took his hand, Ray feeling her grip in his.

_She's… petite. Her hands are small but her fingers are nice and long…_

They released hands and Ray looked back at her piano, tilting his head.

"How long have you been playing?"

"Since I was four."

"How old are you now?"

"Nineteen."

"First year in college?"

"Why the questions?" Ray stopped in his tracks, his hand brushing over the piano's top warmly.

"I just… I don't know. Just curious in all."

Crystal gazed out the window, her body moving towards the outside. Ray followed her, coming up beside her and watching her from his peripheral vision. She breathed on the window, making a fog. Ray turned his head, curious.

With her finger she drew a few lines on the fog, Ray not recognizing the symbol.

"What's that?"

"It's the K clef… or the alto clef as some might call it."

"What's an alto clef?"

She sighed, shrugging. "It's alright. I'm not in the mood to explain it."

Ray nodded, turning his head away and gazing back outside the window. Her presence made him nervous, but all the same all he wanted to do was be right there next to her, in her space. He tapped his foot on the ground.

"Looks like it's snowing again."

"Yeah…" she replied, holding her head up to the grey sky. Ray agreed, seeing the snow fall down softly upon the ground. He heard her murmuring something under her breath.

"What was that?"

She turned to him, shaking her head. She seemed to do that a lot.

She's reserved…

"You can tell me. Who else is there to tell?"

"Well… I have to walk home… and…" she trailed off, gathering her jacket and putting her books in her bag that she carried with her. Ray gathered his things as well, watching as she put the piano back in order and walked away towards the door.

"I have to go. It's getting late."

Silently Ray followed behind her, wearing his jacket already and merely keeping an eye on her. He closed the door behind them and followed her down the steps into the outside, the snow coming down all around them in flurries. Crystal lifted her head to gaze up at the sky, her eyes closing for a second.

Ray watched quietly, his mind wandering.

_What do you think about? What are you thinking? _

"Why are you following me?"

Her voice snapped him out of his daydream.

"You said you needed to walk home. Well… it must be a while… it sounded like you were going to walk for a while."

"What if it was just around the corner?"

"Somehow I don't think that's how it is."

Crystal nodded her head silently, her feet finally moving into the snow and away from the building. Ray walked beside her, merely staring at the snow in front of them. His heart was beating a mile a minute.

_What do you think about? What do you dream? What's your favorite color? What kind of books do you read? What's your favorite animal? What's your favorite season? _

"Winter."

Her voice startled him, Ray's cheeks burning as she looked at him blankly, nodding her head.

"You asked what my favorite season was… I said winter."

He swallowed, feeling his heart pump gently.

"Why winter?"

"Well… what's your favorite season?"

"Hmm…" he thought for a second. "Fall I guess."

"Why fall?"

"The leaves are nicely colored."

"I like that answer." She replied, Ray seeing a smile upon her face.

_Her smile… it's lovely. _

"Why the season winter?" he asked again, keeping up with her pace.

"Winter… because it's so peaceful… but in reality I like all the seasons… I just really like winter. I enjoy the cold… because then you can always find something warm."

"Mmm…" he gazed up at the sky again, seeing a few crows pass overhead.

"I like crows too…"

He smiled.

"You do?"

"Yeah… they're birds… and I love birds."

Ray breathed out, seeing his breath in wisps' of gentle warm fog.

"I like birds too…"

"They're so free…" she murmured, Ray thinking to himself.

_Free… the way she speaks… is she really nineteen? _

They came to a traffic light, the snow falling in all around them. Ray could see that she was getting cold, and he moved closer to her.

"How much longer is it to your house?"

"Just a few more minutes."

As they walked, Ray spotted a few crows on tree branches, their caws echoing through the empty air. He wondered where they were going.

She had led him to a house that was on a hill, where the snow seemed to go on forever. Crystal turned to him, her boots crunching with the snow.

"Well… thank you… for walking me home."

"No problem."

Ray stood there awkwardly after she had spoken, wanting to steal maybe a hug or something. She was still such a mystery to him, and he had forgotten to get the important details. He wanted to hear more music, he wanted to learn more.

"I like blue jays."

His mouth blurted out the words before his brain could stop him, Crystal's eyebrows furrowing.

"You like blue jays?"

He could feel his cheeks burn.

"Yeah… you said you liked birds and I guess I was just thinking…" he trailed off, seeing her gaze on him. He cleared his throat and stepped back.

"Anyways, you're welcome for-"

"Nightingales."

His ears perked, his mouth caught open in mid sentence. She smiled back at him softly, repeating.

"My favorite birds are nightingales. They're beautiful."

_Maybe that's why…she wears black. _

"I see… I think they're really nice birds to look at."

"Budgies are pretty cute too."

Ray chuckled, nodding his head.

"That's true."

A harsh wind blew after he spoke, Ray holding onto his scarf and seeing Crystal hold onto her hat. The wind blew harder for a split second, and he could hear a startled cry coming from next to him. Ray's eyes looked up and saw that her hat had gone flying across her yard and into a tree, where the hat hung from a branch.

Seizing the opportunity Ray quickly raced over to the tree and took the hat back, accidentally dropping the hat into the snow. He brushed off the flurries and shook the hat, seeing Crystal come over.

"I thought I'd lost it…"

Ray handed the hat back to her, their fingers slightly touching. He licked his lips, stepping forward.

"I just… thought you might want it back."

"Thank you… it's my favorite hat."

They stood together in the snow for a few more seconds, Crystal finally walking towards her door and taking out a key she had in her pocket. Ray stood in the snow, watching her from afar. He breathed out slowly.

"Hey…."

She turned to him.

"Yes?" her door was slightly open, and she had one foot in the door already.

"Are… are you there… every day? At the school I mean."

"Yeah… I practice in that room a lot."

"Okay. I'll… come find you."

Crystal's eyes widened at his statement, Ray feeling his nervousness return.

"I want… to hear that music."

The girl's smile returned softly, her head nodding.

"Okay…"

With that she entered into her house and closed her door, leaving Ray out in the snow. His feet were freezing but his heart was warm with a sensation he had never felt before. His body felt as if he could run and run and run until the ends of the earth, as if he could sprout wings and fly.

His feet began to run, and soon he found himself running through the snowy cold, his heart racing and his eyes set on her image, her smiling face.

_I want to see you… every day… I want that more than anything… _

He ran and ran more, the snowflakes melting on his cheek and giving him strength. He could feel her presence beside him, the melodies of her piano singing in his head. Birds flew overhead and as he ran he could hear them flapping their wings.

_I'll see you… Crystal. _


	6. Disappear

Was Tyson going to go ahead with his plans? Was he going to call his brother?

_Am I just dreaming of this? Emily…. _

The snow fell around him gently, falling off tree branches and plopping against the cold ground as he sat there on that park bench, waiting for something, anything. His mind wandered back and forth between thoughts, his inner spirit being pulled in all different directions.

_What happened? _

His hands moved against his legs roughly, warming his body up with friction. His eyes settled upon a blue jay hopping before him, taking off in a rush.

_Our hands… they touched… for some reason… it felt… right. _

What about her made him happy? Happy… happy was the only word he thought of… but his heart wanted something more. His heart beat with elevation and joy. He knew that much. Sometimes he would feel that way around his mother, and even his father, but never around Emily.

She was in America, he was here. They were separated more than ever before. Not only had she left him with no one to keep him company, but also during the holidays. Didn't she feel any remorse for letting him go right before the Christmas season?

_I have to talk to her… even if it is just for a little while._

* * *

"Emily?"

A buzzing came through the monitor, Max staring at his computer screen. His hand was over his mouse, his body still a little frozen from being outside for too long. He had left Tyson's house right after Ray did, feeling a little saddened for leaving Tyson all by himself.

Tyson had his own problems that he needed to solve however.

The quiet dim of the monitor was interrupted by the sudden flickering of his screen, a pair of glasses coming into view as the Skype chat finally began.

"Emily…"

"Max."

He sighed, looking down at his keyboard.

_What do I say to you? Do I say how horrible I feel? How you left me?_

"Max, why'd you call me? It's late over here."

"I know, but I had to talk to you."

She was wearing her white pajamas, along with her hair being tied in a bun to keep from her messing up her facial mask. The girl shook her head and yawned, snapping at him.

"Well make it quick, I want to go to bed."

"I know you do… but I just wanted… to talk."

She stared back at him incredulously through the computer screen, Max feeling his cheeks flush.

"If you wanted to talk couldn't you have waited? I mean… we're not together anymore."

"I know that," he replied hastily, "But I just wanted to ask… what was the real reason why you broke up with me?"

Emily put her chin in her hand and let her gaze fall upon her pillow. Max watched as she bobbed her head back and forth in thought, finally responding to him.

"I guess I just didn't feel it anymore… that's all."

"Didn't feel it?" Max asked, raising an eyebrow. "You said you were in love with me."

"Yeah but love is nothing more than a chemical reaction induced by hormones to make sure that the species we represent get our genes passed on."

"You know I hate it when you talk like that." Max growled. "You make it seem like love is just some scientific thing that you can categorize and store information on. Love is something more than that."

_All those walks… all those talks we had… do they mean nothing to you? Every time I held your hand… did you just want to disappear? _

"It's nothing like that Max…" Emily cooed, almost laughing at him. Her hands gathered up a few items in her room, turning on a few of her computer monitors that she had behind her.

"Max you just didn't impress me anymore."

"I didn't impress you?" he asked.

"Yeah, you see I want a guy who's sure of himself, always knowing what to do… I mean you do that but… I guess I find you too girly."

"Girly?" he yelled, slamming his hands down on his desk. "How dare you call me girly! What do you think I am?"

"Well gee there's no reason to get so upset about it. It's just a term. It's nothing more than a term to describe a guy who is more than eager to let the girl trample all over him in a manner of ways."

Max grit his teeth, his heart pumping madly with his blood rushing in his ears. He had never felt so insulted in his whole life.

_You thought of me as girly? You thought of me as someone you couldn't rely on? What's your deal Emily? Why say that? _

He shook his head and growled at her, his eyes narrowed and enraged. He felt his blood boiling even more.

"Is that what everything is to you? Something that you can define and put in a book? Something that you can stick some words on, call it a definition? Science?"

Max could feel his heart twisting in pain, his fists clenching and his body shaking. Inside of his mind he saw the beach, those laughs, everything they had shared.

_Lies. _

_All lies! _

"I'm so sick of your bullshit Emily!" he screamed, Emily clearing taking no notice of him and filing her nails calmly.

"This is why we are no longer together," she replied plainly. "You take things and go off your rocker, you are not the man I thought you were, and never will be. You are not a man in my book, and next to the word 'man' in the dictionary I see no picture of you."

She leaned in slightly to the monitor and winked at him, smiling wickedly.

"If you think you can pick up some little whore off the street then be my guest. Whoever you pick will never have a real man by her side, only you."

With that she hung up on him, the monitor shutting off and beeping at the no call signal. The dim lighting of the room seemed to cave in around him, the darkness of the shut curtains and the darkness of his heart suddenly seemed to make sense to him.

In a fit of rage, he threw his computer across his room and watched as the machine broke in front of him, Max taking a textbook of his and pounding the machine into a mess of nuts and bolts. He screamed as he did this, his arms never seeming to stop.

The world around him seemed to twist against him, the pressures of the air suddenly becoming more than he could bear. His eyes welled up and he fell into screaming while holding his head.

_I am not that way. _

_I am more than you know. _

_I will show you. _

_I will prove to you that I am more than you know._

* * *

Cars passed him by silently as he walked, his head down and his eyes locked on the pace of his footsteps. Streetlights filtered in through his hoodie as he looked up, the darkness surrounding him and making him breathe out a wisp of hot breath.

Hours had passed since he had spoken to her, his mind filled with nothing but rage and anger. His boots dragged him across town into the red light district, the snow crunching under his feet as he stopped to examine an old rustic building.

His blue eyes traced over the decrepit features; falling tiles, broken doors, and abandoned for years. Quietly, he made his way over.

The door fell under his pressure and created a heap of dust in his wake, his blue eyes shining like a wolf on the hunt. He growled and preceded forward, his fingers silently tracing the outlines of the furniture around him. He wanted this place. He wanted to tear everything down and make things his own.

He craved destruction.

His heart hardened, his soft nature becoming more and more invisible as he began to listen to that voice inside his head he ignored for so long.

_Destroy it. Destroy everything. Make them pay. You are in pain. Make everyone pay. _

_Nothing can stop you. _

With an agonizing cry, he fell to his knees and shook his head, his eyes suddenly coming back to life and watering.

"Stop it!" he cried, burying his head in his hands. "Go away! Leave me alone!"

_I am you. And you are me. _

He screamed, crawling over to a nearby mirror, the dust on the floor coating his pants and boots, making him cough. His heart was hardened, he could feel the pain slipping into his chest and out through his mouth in words that he did recognize as his own.

"Chaos…"

_What is happening? Why is this happening? _

_She made fun of me… she called me girly… she… she toyed with me… like a science experiment! Like one of her little experiments! I am not her experiment! I am not her toy! I am… I am… _

_Chaos. _

"Stop it!" he screamed, the echo of his voice booming through the halls of the empty building. Rats scurried across the room, fearful of his newfound inner strength. He cried aloud, the pain swirling in his mind and causing his eyes to go blank with rage. He tossed a table to the side, cracking the floor boards. With his other hand he threw a lamp at the couch.

_I am Chaos. _

Inside his pocket he fumbled around for a bit, and soon unearthed a switchblade, shiny and silver. His finger ran across the blade almost fondly, a smile crossing his face.

"Hello there… I haven't seen you in a while…"

_Chaos. I am chaos. I am chaos. _

His body moved on its own, the knife ripping through the couch and furniture, his hands moving blindly to shred whatever he could. A human cry was heard to his left, a shadow emerged from the light. He growled, shielding his eyes from that very light that he had begun to hate.

He could feel his heart not only hardening, but freezing over.

The snow outside gave him cold solace, and he lunged forward, his blade coming in contact with warm flesh that died in his hands. The body spat at him, blood splattering across his face and making him flinch back for a second.

Slowly he caught the falling man, blood trickling down his fingertips and onto the floor, where the sticky red puddled around his boots. His heart thumped coldly.

Taking the blade out of the stomach he carried the man on his back towards the ocean nearby, a mere mile walk away through the darkness. He found a small voice inside his head crying to him, begging him to walk away and go home and cry and scream and beg for forgiveness.

The ocean seemed so vast and expansive, and as he stood at the edge of the wooden pier he gazed down at the frozen waters. The darkness of the night crept over him, that voice in his head becoming more loud and enjoyable.

Now toss.

He smiled slightly, his lips parted.

"Well my friend… we have both been dealt a horrible fate… haven't we? I don't want your family to worry… they'll know you were kept nice and safe… you'll freeze to death in there… so don't worry. It'll come slowly, like a warm blanket."

He set the body down.

"Slowly and surely, your heart will stop… then you'll feel nothing at all… but the darkness doesn't have to be all that bad… you can just let in all in… let it contain you… live within you."

He kicked the body down into the waters, his smile wicked and his hands bloodied. Inside, he laughed and laughed, his hands gripping at his arms and his eyes wide with joy.

"I did."

He turned his back to the ocean, no one around to see him drop the body down into the ocean. The harsh plop sprayed him with ocean water, Max taking a deep breath of new air. The snow covered his bloodied tracks, cleaning him of all evidence and letting him feel the icy cold of the winter.

He upturned his pockets now, his mind twisted fully into chaos.

"I am chaos now… how… wonderful."

As he walked back to his own house, he felt something slip out of his pocket. Max paused for a second, his ears perking. He turned his head slightly, his eyes seeming to turn red with insanity.

"I won't need you anymore."

The little bottle rolled over the snow and stopped next to a rock, the pills inside of the container making a quiet shaking sound as the snow flurries buried the medication.

Nothing remained.


	7. Psychosis

_That clock is annoying. _

I couldn't remember the last time I had had a full night's sleep. Maybe I didn't deserve one. My dreams aren't really dreams either… am I just mumbling to myself? He really needs to fix this couch…

"Mr. Hiwatari?"

I had forgotten he was there.

"Oh sorry…" I felt my cheeks flush. I wasn't used to being this distracted. But then again, I was beginning to get used to the feeling of never really being anywhere.

The man across from me folded his legs again and sighed, putting down his pen and staring at me. I hadn't seen him in a while, he'd been trying to get in contact me via my cell, but I hadn't really had the chance to pick up or even talk.

I had two homes, one here in Japan and another in Russia. Though I preferred the one in Russia I had this one in Japan for one sole reason…

I had memories here.

Memories that I didn't want to admit to anyone that I had. My friends were my true friends, and even if I did play hardball with them I could never let them know how much they really meant to me. I had to have that impression of being nonchalant, of being the superior, of being the one who couldn't feel anything because I didn't want to feel.

There I go, rambling again. I guess I should tell him that.

"Look we're not getting anywhere with this." His voice made me regain reality.

"Why don't we start off by letting you relax for a bit?"

I couldn't think of a better way to come up with an excuse to let me sleep. That would be a reward in itself.

When I lay down on the couch I could feel my subconscious mind playing tricks on me again, her voice seeping into my head.

_Kai… _

I wanted to talk back, but my mouth kept shut. I couldn't let him know anything… but then again he was my psychiatrist. He had to be good for something.

"Your friends found you curled up on the ground beside a gravestone?"

"I was just resting… that's all."

"You have night terrors."

I kept my lips pursed… I had no idea he knew of my night terrors. Those nights I would wake up and scream because the last thing I saw was her fading from me. I was held back by those hands… those bloody hands… everything I ever did was for her.

Rambling.

"Kai… can you close your eyes for me please?"

I didn't fight him; I did as I was told. I was a good boy. I knew how to play his little game. I didn't think I had a problem, but with him knowing the night terrors I began to think that he knew more than what he led on. Maybe he was waiting for me?

I heard him say a few more words before I finally managed to drift off into a sleep so deep that I forgot where I was for a second.

Because all that mattered was that I saw her.

* * *

The streets were lined with cobblestones, and slowly the rain began to pour down upon me. A dimly lit lantern to my left had a clock as a face, and I saw that three A.M was slowly approaching.

My veins were pulsating; my body was still the same. I could feel everything here. Was I really here? In this place?

She used to talk about dreams a lot. She loved to dream. I almost wish I could have made that happen. I almost wish that somehow I could have introduced her to a never ending dream that would have taken her wildest dreams and made them come true.

Ha. A dream made by her wildest dreams.

I could hear the clock ticking, and for some reason I knew that this wasn't where I had to be. I had to be somewhere else. Why did this place look so familiar?

The smell of musk and rain filled my nostrils and suddenly I remembered. I turned rapidly to a nearby street and saw that a few cars were parked in the lots next to buildings that were lit with the dinner crowd. Restaurants and bakeries and coffee shops were lined with customers, every single one of them laughing and trotting on about their night as if nothing was wrong.

But everything was wrong.

I knew this place better than anyone, better than I even knew myself practically.

We used to have coffee here all the time.

We talked, we dreamt, we kissed.

I took her out in that red car over there… where I parked it.

My hands suddenly grasped at my cloak and I realized that I was wearing the same cloak and jacket I had worn that day. Muted green with brown pants. Choice style.

Something was wrong, and I knew it.

I knew the place, I knew the people, I knew the car. But what was my mind trying to keep from me? Was this place holding something so dastardly that I had to wipe my memory flat of whatever it was?

The rain soaked my bones and suddenly I found myself back in my doctor's office. I was having a dream he said, and I was talking in my sleep. I had said something about some coffee shops and where we had had coffee, but he didn't give me a name. The visit seemed over almost too soon and as I wished him farewell I walked back out again.

I didn't remember waking up.

The rain was pouring down hard, the snow all around me. I could see that some snow flurries scattered in the rain too, but mostly rain pelted at me. I was wearing that same jacket.

I opened up my umbrella and took to the streets, wanting to just get home and rest. Tyson's house was always a good option on days like this, for I would often find myself at the bar otherwise. At least at Tyson's house I could just crawl into bed after puking my brains out.

Always entertaining.

As I looked up around me I recognized the streets, the cars, and even the people. They were rustling about, not having a care in the world. My heart sped up a bit.

Was I here?

Was I not here?

Was this my reality?

Wasn't I just at my doctor's office?

The scene around me unfolded, and I felt as if I were stuck in a time where nobody else could hear or see me. People passed all around me, leaving me behind in some sort of fluid void that I couldn't help but get sucked into. I was alone, but surrounded by everyone.

I had always felt that way.

Even with my friends the only one I really connected to was Ray… because he felt the same way. We understood pain and sorrow… we understood loneliness.

_Tyson. _

_That's what Tyson's going through. _

I figured it out. Tyson… is lonely. He's so lonely… he wants to be there for others… but for the opposite role… I can only imagine how hard it must be for him to feel so alone and wanting to die.

I felt that way too.

_These people… I've seen them before. _

Here I go, rambling again. I should stick to one thought at a time. I really didn't remember waking up from the doctor's office. But here I was… and slowly I began to read the signs around me.

Coffee shop.

Bakery.

Restaurant.

I could read everything. I could smell and hear everything. I felt everything. My body was here, in this place. I was a part of this world that I created for myself, some world that chewed me up and spit me out.

From the brink of my mind I could feel my consciousness slipping, just like on that one particular day. Perhaps I had blocked out that memory from my mind and now filled the void with horrific hallucinations of dark sand and roaring oceans? I couldn't remember.

A scream from my left snapped me out of my thoughts and as my feet raced to take me over to where the sound emanated I had the strangest feeling that I had done this before.

"What happened?" I shouted, seeing a crowd of people gather.

A woman who was next to me cried aloud, holding her hands to her mouth trying to cover up from screaming.

"She's dead… she's been hit!"

She?

The car had skidded to a stop, and there was a lonely hand on the cobblestone, the fingers loosely holding onto the air.

_She… _

I breathed out, the car's lights finally fading and a woman rushing out from the driver's seat to try and gather the body.

"Someone call for help!"

I knew it was too late, I knew whoever this poor person was had already passed on. This was the same feeling I had all those nights ago.

Slowly I got down on my knees, the rain soaking my pants and making me wet but I didn't care. If I could give someone solace for their loss it would be worth my while.

I pulled on the hand softly, and then more roughly as the body struggled against me. With all my might I pulled and pulled, finally dragging the woman out from underneath the car. Visibility must have been low for this driver to not have seen the woman clad in a pink sweater and a plain tan skirt.

Suddenly my brain stopped.

_Pink… sweater?_

_Pink was Julia's_…

Soon I heard them all… I heard the shadows of the people around me cave into my ears. My world began to twist with sorrow and grief as I tried to get up and run, the body weighing me down heavily.

I pulled myself out from underneath and felt a cold hand grip my shoulder.

"She's gone now… we'll have to make the best of it."

I didn't care who said it, I didn't want to know. She was gone, and that was the only thing that mattered. She was wearing a pink sweater that day, and as I gazed upon the face of the dead woman I nearly lost my mind. I could feel my heart exploding out of my chest and grief rack my entire being.

_Julia._

* * *

"Mr. Hiwatari!"

The voice snapped him out of his nightmare, Kai's eyes opening to see the doctor hiding behind his desk, cowering in fear. Kai shook his head lightly, feeling something heavy in his hands. His eyes glanced upward to see that he was gripping a chair, Kai letting go quickly and letting the chair fall to the ground.

Papers and books were lined all over the office, the doctor and two other unknown men emerging from their hiding spots to stare at him. Kai breathed out silently, murmuring.

"What happened?"

"You… you relapsed…"

His head was pounding, and soon his body felt weak and fragile. He wanted everything to go away. He could have sworn he had just gotten out of there.

His hand came up to his face and very slowly he counted his fingers. He counted to five once, and then five again, just to be sure.

This was no dream.

The office was quiet and Kai sat down upon the couch again, his eyes dimming as sleep threatened to overtake him in a fury of sudden tiredness.

The men spoke to the doctor quickly before leaving, shutting the door behind them. Kai could feel his heart slowly going back to the normal heart rate, never having been so worked up before.

He was beginning to believe he had a real problem.

"Mr. Hiwatari," the doctor stood up from behind the upturned desk, Kai swallowing at the knowledge that he was the one who wrecked the room. In his fit of rage and grief he had briefly forgotten where he was.

He was here, with the doctor.

The doctor continued to speak, telling him that Kai needed more serious help. Hallucinations and delusions were only part one of the problem, but his heart was another. Kai was a very emotional person, and if his heart were to ice over… he'd probably die.

He remembered waking up; he remembered walking down the stairs to his car; he remembered pulling into the driveway at Tyson's house where his friends awaited him for dinner. They had no idea where he'd been, or where he was going to be tomorrow. The darkness all around him grasped onto his heart, and slowly he turned off his car, watching as the night breeze settled a few snowflakes on his windshield. The car was warm, but he could feel the cold of the night seep into his forsaken heart.

Slowly, he counted to five.


	8. Midnight

The door slid shut on his way in, the silent humming of lights and some garbled radio sounds coming from his front. He gazed around the living room, seeing his friends huddled around a table eating in silence.

Placing his bag down upon the ground next to the table he sat down next to Max, who wore a strange dark hoodie over his head, very uncharacteristic of him Ray thought. Kai was sitting down staring at the bowl of rice he had in his hand, occasionally tapping his chopsticks together in some sort of rhythm.

Ray's eyes then fell upon Tyson, who was eating silently. Ray began to feel uneasy with all the tension around him.

"Guys… what's going on?" he asked quietly, taking a bowl of rice for himself. Tyson turned to him, almost in a daze.

"Oh… didn't hear you come in."

Ray stared at him for a second.

"What's wrong with everyone today?" Ray asked, gazing at his friends curiously. "What's gotten into you? All of you."

Kai opened his mouth twice but shut his trap before any words could escape from his thoughts. Ray's ears perked but he did not follow up on his speaking.

"I guess… everyone's been having a tough time lately…" Tyson finally said. "I know it's supposed to be winter break but… with the death and all that…"

"Did you contact your brother?" Max asked, voicing his thoughts. Ray turned to him and examined his face.

His face… his cheeks have speckles of red on them…

"Yeah, I did… actually… he didn't seem to mind hearing from me…" Tyson replied softly, taking a bite of his rice cautiously. "I think… I think he's coming to see me… at least… that's what he made it seem like…"

"It didn't go like you thought it would…" Ray added, nodding. "Hey… if that went alright then what's got you so worked up?"

Tyson sighed, setting down his bowl. His fingers touched the surface of the table and he murmured.

"Grandpa… just…"

Ray breathed out, touching Tyson's hand with his. The man flinched back for a second before Ray latched on, speaking.

"Tyson, you're going to be alright. I know you are. Things are just a little rough right now. We're here for you… Max… Kai… and me… all of us."

Tyson's eyes locked onto Ray's for a split second before a genuine smile broke out across Tyson's face.

"You know… for some reason, I feel a lot better now that you said that… it's like…" he lifted his head and closed his eyes, truly smiling now.

"I don't feel alone anymore."

Ray smiled as well, feeling as if Tyson needed to hear his words more than ever now that his brother had finally decided to come to terms with him. As they continued to eat however, Ray began to have his suspicions about Kai and Max. Kai being silent was one thing, but Max not really speaking was another monster altogether. After dinner, Ray decided to pull Max over for a quick chat, pulling on his arm and leading him towards the bathroom. Ray locked the door behind them and finally sighed.

"Alright Max, what's up."

Max stared at him blankly.

"You're wearing a dark hoodie and you're quiet. You're not like that." Ray folded his arms across his chest and set his feet.

"Either you tell me or I'm going to beat it out of you."

At this Max's eyes widened and instantly he took the hoodie off, revealing his face. Ray's eyes narrowed in concern.

"Max, what happened?" he quickly pulled a towel off a nearby rack and soaked the cloth in water, applying the warm to Max's face.

"You're covered in…" his voice trailed off, fearing someone was listening to their conversation. Ray carefully cleaned Max's face, the youth looking at him in dismay.

"I did something horrible Ray… really, really horrible… I don't even remember much about doing it but… when I woke up… I was here… at the dinner table."

Ray swallowed, nodding and soaking the towel more, wiping more red off of his friend's face. He tilted his head slightly, speaking quietly.

"Did you hurt someone Max? Did you get into a fight?"

"I… I think I did…" Max replied, rubbing his head and finally allowing Ray to seize the hoodie. Ray immediately threw the cloth in the trash, taking the bag and tying up the knot.

"If you did something Max… the person to talk to is us. We're your friends."

"Ray… Ray can you… you're the most stable out of all of us…"

Ray paused in his movements, his hand halfway out to reach the towel again to dry Max's face. What was Max getting at?

"Ray… Ray I trust you… can you… can you keep a secret?"

Ray turned back around to him, towel in hand and his lips pursed. Max looked at him for a second before having tears well in his eyes.

"Ray I… I think I might have…"

The silver was then revealed from his pocket, Ray's eyes widening and his heart thumping loudly in his ears. Max choked a bit, holding out the weapon.

"I know I didn't mean to… but I don't remember what happened… I got so angry that I… I…"

"Max… what happened? You need to tell me everything." Ray demanded, taking a hold of Max's shoulders.

"If anybody finds this… Max what the hell did you do?" his voice was shaking but he kept his cool, knowing very well that whatever had happened Max did not mean anything. The youth took a seat on the toilet, folding his hands together and letting Ray take the knife as well to wash in water.

"I… I guess it started…"

* * *

"And then you woke up here… sounds like you and Kai are going through the same thing almost."

"Almost?" Max inquired. He had told Ray everything, Ray almost in disbelief at Max's actions. Then again, there were always quiet ones that one needed to be afraid of.

"Max… Kai lost someone very precious to him a while ago… and right now he's going through some trauma… I think all of us haven't been real with one another since we got together for this break. Sure we had some drinks and got fucked up but… when were we real?"

Max gazed at the ground, Ray rubbing a hand through Max's golden hair.

"Listen, there has to be an explanation for this… you sure you didn't kill anyone?"

"I don't remember…" Max replied faintly. "I remember getting angry… and then nothing… absolutely nothing… and this knife…"

His eyes set upon the knife, Ray feeling some tension as Max spoke.

"I hope that knife didn't come in contact with anything living."

"Where did all this blood come from them?"

"I know I hurt myself punching a wall… but that was on my fist… the rest… I don't know… maybe I had a bigger cut than I had imagined?"

Ray breathed in deeply, seeing no trace of blood anywhere in the bathroom. The light fixture was flickering on and off, signals of a possible blackout. Ray took Max in his arms and hugged him tight, whispering to him.

"Whatever you did Max… I know you didn't mean it."

* * *

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

His ears perked, and his body responded to the sounds coming from the next room over. His eyes opened softly, adjusting to the darkness that surrounded him. Cold air nipped at his chest as he sat up, yawning and listening carefully to the sounds of the thumping coming from the room. He turned his head slightly, counting how many white sheets were lumps.

Two.

Ray's eyes narrowed and he stood up, his long loose hair flowing all around him in a wild way. He shook his head back and forth a little, just to keep the hair from sticking to his body and immediately opened the door, shutting the room behind him.

_Tyson and Max are still sleeping… so that means…_

His bare feet touched the cold wood and sent shivers up his spine as he walked through the house, gazing into every room he came across. The moon shone through a few window panes and he could see the silhouette of a person in the kitchen, possibly sobbing.

Ray paused, his hand upon the wall and his eyes set upon the silhouette that he recognized as his friend. Breathing in deeply and approaching his friend Ray pulled up a chair next to the shadow and finally spoke quietly.

"Kai… did you have a nightmare again?"

Kai flinched back at the sound of Ray's voice, Ray gazing at him calmly through the night darkness.

"Kai…"

The man blinked and rubbed his eyes, staring back at Ray incredulously.

"Did… did I walk here?"

Ray took a breath slowly.

"Kai… you were in psychosis again."

"Psychosis…" Kai parroted, counting his fingers as he did so. Ray watched him for a few seconds, examining his actions.

"Listen, you went to go see that therapist right?"

"Yeah… I did."

"What did he say?"

"… same thing you just said."

"I see." Ray silenced, coming closer to Kai and sighing.

The cold air nipped at them both, Ray realizing that Kai was practically naked in the moonlight. He sat in a chair in his boxers, barely taking notice of his surroundings. Ray wondered if he realized where he was.

"Kai… I think the three of us have to have a talk… sooner than later." Ray said finally, taking a cup of water from a nearby sink.

"It seems as if we all have problems that we don't want to face… but… I have a feeling that if we let this go… things are only going to escalate and get worse."

Kai stared at him, Ray setting the cup of water down in front of Kai's hand.

"You, Me, Max, Tyson… we all have our share of things we don't want to explain to one another… we're supposed to be best friends right? Then why is it that we each hold something in our hearts that we don't want the others to know?"

"Maybe… because we are afraid of what the others will think of us…" Kai responded, taking a sip of his water. "Because we are afraid that… we will not understand."

Ray nodded quietly, thinking of his own problems and issues.

"Maybe… but… I have a feeling once we come out… all four of us… things will get better… because this isn't good for us as friends. We need to be real."

Kai gazed at Ray's eyes, searching for some sort of answer to a question that Ray could not hear, but understood merely by gaze.

"You need to visit her grave."

"I did… and you guys found me…"

"But you need to do it in a different mindset." Ray replied quickly, gazing at Kai. "You need to go when you're not there… you need to go when you're here… in this reality. Because this is you… and you can't be you if you aren't here… do you understand?"

Kai blinked and thought about his words, Ray watching as the man stood up from his place and walked across the kitchen and into the bathroom where he stopped for a second to address Ray with his back turned to him.

"… Why is it… that you always know… what to say?"

With that Kai closed the bathroom door, Ray hearing the click of a lock and the pull of a zipper on pants. With a breath of relief Ray stood up again, cleaning up the glass and walking back to his bed, eager to get to sleep.

He had his own demons he wasn't telling his friends either.

But he would come out to them.

Eventually.

* * *

He peered into the room, his bag in his hand and the doorknob in the other. Hank had once again opened up the room for him and once again he had practiced his martial arts until he began to hear her music. Her music drew him towards her as usual, and he knew exactly where to go.

She was sitting near the window again, peering at a book that she had bought with her, occasionally writing down a thing or two and then getting back to practicing. He watched her carefully until she stopped, which was when he opened the door.

She looked up casually this time, seeing him come through the door and set his bag down next to her piano. He smiled softly, speaking to her.

"Hi."

She was wearing her classic blank jeans today, but he took notice of the blank sweater she had on. The sweater matched her hat, and that was one thing he liked about her. She wore black, yet she was elegant in her ways, the black not seeming dark at all but beautiful in the way the color was presented.

She smiled up at him faintly and put her book away, speaking to him.

"Hey… what brings you here?"

Ray stood next to the piano and leaned upon the instrument, gazing into the numerous strings and levers inside the grand masterpiece.

"I told you I wanted to hear more music… so I came."

"Can't you hear it from out there?"

"It sounds better in here." He replied, gazing at the strings more.

She nodded and went back to her work, opening up another book and looking over a few pages. Ray watched her and came closer, his shadow nearly upon her.

The light of the sun was still strong as he listened to her play, the shadows of the day getting longer and longer. The snow outside wasn't as blinding as the other days, and through the window a few clouds managed to cast shadows upon them as well.

"An alto clef…" Ray began, walking towards the window and huffing a breath upon the glass. In the fog of his breath he drew the alto clef, speaking slowly.

"It's used… only for a… viola right?" he asked, turning back around towards Crystal. The girl stared at him, her hand upon her book and her bang covering her left eye.

"Yes…" she replied slowly, holding her head up. "You went online to look that up?"

"Yeah. I was interested to know what it was." Ray answered, rubbing out the clef as he did so. He turned to her and smiled.

"So you play a viola too huh? Since only violas use that."

Crystal's cheeks turned red and she focused back on her piano.

"What's it to you? It's not really that special."

Ray stood next to her now, shaking his head at her comment.

"On the contrary, violas aren't all that well known. Violins are the main star of the string orchestra, while violas are on the sidelines… right? But without violas violins sound silly and squeaky."

Crystal's body froze, Ray sensing that she was surprised by what he said. He came closer to her and held out a hand, speaking.

"I looked that up too… seems like you like the viola better than the violin…. Because it's not common right?"

Crystal did not reply to him, but merely kept staring at the empty piano stand. Ray's hand trembled a bit as he reached out to play a note on the piano, the note producing a quiet but powerful sound.

"I've never played an instrument before… but I would certainly like to know a little about them… especially how you got to be so good."

Finally the girl turned to him and furrowed her eyebrows.

"What is it that you want from me again?"

Ray shrugged, feeling his heart beat a little faster in his chest. His palms were beginning to get cold with nerves, and he could sense something warm in his heart.

_That feeling… I have that feeling again! _

"I just want to know a few things about music that's all."

_What is it about you that makes my heart flutter? _

"Like what?"

_Is it the way you talk? The way you act? Your eyes? _

"Anything really… I just want to know. I like knowledge… it's something nobody can take away from you. Even when you are at rock bottom, nobody can take away your knowledge."

Ray nodded, his body moving towards the rest of the piano.

"I was just curious is all… but if you don't want to teach me… then I understand."

Crystal seemed to understand his view, as when he reached out to the piano she grabbed his finger. Ray froze with his nerves and she led him towards a key on the piano, having his finger push down slightly.

"That's called the middle C note."

His finger was trapped in her hold and he swallowed hard, feeling his heart beat and hearing the beat in his ears. Slowly, he sat down next to her, occasionally stealing a glance at her when she began to speak about the piano keys and what they meant.

His eyes softened as she spoke, his ears blocking out everything she said to him and merely focusing on her eyes.

_Her eyes are so deep… her touch is so gentle… what is this? What is this feeling I have? I know I liked Mariah but… I never… I never felt this. Ever. _

After a few minutes of speaking Crystal turned her head to see the setting sun, a sigh emerging from her chest.

"I have to go home now… I don't want it getting too late."

Crystal reached down for her bag, Ray simply sitting on the piano bench. Her presence made him giddy, almost childish. He gazed at her hands, smoothly moving her bag across her shoulder and putting gloves on.

He stood up from the bench and swallowed hard, clenching his hand into a fist. He could feel his nerves try to get the better of him, but he decided to go against his wishes.

"Crystal… do you… uhm…"

She turned to him and paused, her coat already on and her hands holding her books.

"Do I…?"

"Uhm…" he stammered in his words. "Do you want to go get some hot chocolate? My treat…"

Crystal turned to him fully now, her feet seeming to hold her to that one place in front of him. Ray blinked and held a hand on his head, laughing nervously.

"S-Sorry I know you don't take too kindly to strangers and we just met…"

"Okay."

He gasped at her reaction, Crystal gazing at him with soft eyes. She had a small smile upon her face and she tilted her head.

"Why not? Let's go."

Slowly Ray came back to Earth, his hand trailing down his head and to his side, almost in disbelief.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I want something warm… and since you're treating… well then why not?"

Ray could feel that special warmth inside of him grow and spread through his body, Ray feeling as if he could fly up and to the moon if he wanted to.

"Okay… let's go."

* * *

He handed her the cup full of chocolate, the store closing and the lights shutting off as the night passed over them. He blew on his chocolate, taking a sip and basking in the warmth. Snow fell gently all around them, Ray's eyes tracing small little snowflakes drifting lazily towards the ground. The cool air was enough to make him comfortable with his chocolate, and seeing as Crystal wanted some too made him even happier.

"You like hot chocolate?" he asked, walking beside her towards her house once again. Crystal nodded vigorously, taking a small sip of her drink.

"I do! A lot actually. Hot chocolate was something that my grandmother used to make for me when I was a kid." She replied, taking another small sip. "When I was really little and it snowed, my grandma would make me hot chocolate when I came home from school. She would prepare it just for me and I would drink the whole thing in one sitting!"

She laughed for a second before taking another sip, Ray nodding at her tale.

"Must be nice having someone do that for you."

"What about you?" she asked, her eyes boring into him. "I haven't heard anything about you or your experiences."

Ray continued to walk, stopping at a stoplight. They both watched as a few cars passed them by and continued forward, the snow falling gently in their hair and Ray taking notice that the night was growing even darker.

"Truth is my parents died when I was little. I don't really have many memories about them… but I do remember them being really nice to me. I remember feeling that sense of love and compassion, along with some occasional reprimand for things such as child misbehaviors."

"You were no angel I suppose."

"I guess not… but even so, I was raised by the village elder, who took really great care of me. I grew up in China, and it's my home. But when I got into other things I quickly learned that there are other people and places besides my little home. So I went out… I decided to test the waters, see who I could find. I found my friends Tyson, Max and Kai… they're all really great guys but lately…" his voice trailed off, sadness seeping into his heart.

Silence filled the air as they walked now, Ray pondering what the others were up to.

_I hope Max is alright… and Kai… hopefully we don't find him in another cemetery… I don't know what to do… they have to be real… and I do too… _

"Sounds like you got a lot on your plate."

Her voice snapped him out of his thoughts, Ray noticing that Crystal was staring at him intently. His mouth opened slightly but no words came out.

"From the way you make it sound… you've been through a lot… and I can appreciate someone like that… resilient and strong… I like that in someone."

Ray blinked and heard her words, but didn't reply as his mind was too numb with gratitude to really come up with a good response.

_She's… so sweet. _

Their legs dragged them towards her house again, and only then did Ray speak up to voice his thoughts. The snow stopped falling and little flurries danced around in the quiet air. Grey covered them as the clouds moved in to block the starry night.

"Crystal…" he began, tapping his foot on the ground. "Listen I uhm… can you teach me… music? Maybe? I mean I know it's a lot to ask but… you seem like a really nice girl and I wouldn't mind… learning a few things… maybe it can help shed some light on things I can't see right now…"

He waited a few seconds for a response before Ray realized that Crystal was staring up into the sky, a smile upon her face. He tiled his head upwards towards the stars and blinked, seeing a few glowing lights.

"I know that somewhere out there… is something that connects us all together…"

Ray listened to her, his ears perking at her voice.

"Ray… can you close your eyes for a second?"

Ray looked back at her, and Crystal met his eyes. His heart suddenly began to beat again, and as he stared he slowly closed his eyes, listening to her words.

"Just imagine yourself miles and miles away from Earth… in space… flying among the stars… seeing brilliant bolts of light and colors of every shade imaginable surround you… where you can't even begin to tell them apart. Through the darkness of space you can feel the sun's rays giving you warmth and peace, while a few shooting stars line your vision. Bursts of beautiful warm yellow smoke emerge from behind you, and soon you find yourself staring at an abyss of light and things you could never imagine… what would that feel like?"

"Paradise…" he murmured, opening his eyes back up. Crystal smiled at him softly, gazing downward at the snow.

"That was a little… childish of me… but… that's what I think about… I never had someone listen to me like that before."

Ray breathed, watching her clap her hands around her cup, grasping for warmth. He came closer to her and looked down at her, tilting his head.

His heart pumped in his ears.

"What you described… did that come from you?"

She nodded slightly, shy obviously.

"That was beautiful."

_Like you. _

She blushed at his reply, Crystal turning her head away.

Silence filled the air again and the stars faded into the night sky, Ray checking his phone to see what time he had.

"It's getting close to ten… I should head back to my friend's house." He said rather sadly, sighing. He was about to pocket his phone when a hand upon his stopped his movements. He felt her soft touch on his skin and almost immediately he froze, her fingers wrapping around his phone and pulling the thing away from him.

Ray remained quiet as she put her fingers to work on touching his screen, Ray tilting his head and not questioning what she was doing. After a few minutes she handed the phone back to him and turned her heel, talking over her shoulder.

"It's really late, so I want you to text me when you get home…. Alright? I don't want to have to worry that my… … that you hurt yourself or anything."

Ray swallowed and pocketed his phone, murmuring.

"I… I will."

She nodded and began to walk away from him, heading towards her door. Ray sighed and turned around slightly before he heard a cry ring through the air.

Ray's instincts kicked in and his hands caught the falling Crystal as she plummeted towards the ground, her face planted in his chest. Ray could feel her warm head against his chest and his arms around her. She was soft and rather small, Ray seeing that he could easily pick her up if he wanted to.

She remained in his chest for a few more seconds before her feet finally gained ground and she stood up, her face still buried in his chest. Hesitantly he put his arms around her, pulling her in close. She did not fight him, but merely accepted his warmth and he felt as if he were holding a bird.

_She's soft… and her hair… _

His strong nose caught a scent of lilacs coming from her, and he knew that this was her scent. Ray smiled internally, speaking softly to her.

"Are you alright? You took quite a fall there."

She did not reply immediately to him, but instead he could hear her sniffing his chest, her hands coming up to his arms.

"You smell… like rain."

_Rain? _

He let go of her as she gently pushed him off, Crystal's eyes meeting his in an upwards gaze. Her eyes were shining now, and he could not look away.

_They're like stars… _

"Thank you… Ray. For everything."

With that she smiled at him and turned around, walking swiftly to her house. He watched as she opened and closed her door, sealing her security inside and making Ray's mind come to ease.

_She let me hug her… that… _

His hand came up to his chest and he grasped at his clothes, still managing to feel her warm body against his. His eyes dimmed in thought, his heart beating wildly with warmth and something he had never felt before.

She had that effect on him.


	9. Revelations

He stood over the tombstone, his feet planted in the ground and his eyes cast downwards. All around him the snow trailed on and on, the sweet grey of the skies covering him like a soft blanket. He wanted nothing more than to lie down and be next to her, and cradle himself in her arms, even if that meant touching her skeleton.

He'd still find a way to make everything about his idea loving.

The soft grey turned more into deep dark stars, and the night passed on him, the moon shining her face upon his sullen cheeks and making him realize that he had been out in the cold for hours. He pulled his coat around him more, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

_What if the doctor had a point? What if I'm losing it? Do I have to go about my days forevermore condemned to this pain? _

He bent down softly, the snow crunching under his weight and his hands moving quickly to scrape off some snow that buried her name. His purple eyes softened as he gazed at her name, her voice calling to him in his head.

_Kai. _

_Kai. _

He could feel his heart twist in pain, his hands shaking and eventually his body falling upon his knees. He swallowed hard, taking a deep breath and gazing back up towards the sky, where he found a single falcon making its way towards the lonely city in the distance.

The graveyard was out of city boundaries, up a little from the last café and right on until the creepy road took you into a thicket of trees that didn't seem to end. Kai visited this place very often.

The hill looked over upon the city, and as Kai set his sights on the city he realized that no matter which way he looked at life, things would go as they always would. People would come and go, the sun would set, the moon would rise, and he knew that these things could not be stopped.

Time was moving farther and farther away from him, and he felt as if he owed the world something. He owed the world the sense of living, the sounds of his voice and thoughts; the only things he shared with her were all that he ever knew. He owed the world this.

From the corner of his eye he spotted a small figure crouched down in the snow, much like him. He turned his head and let his mouth hang agape as he realized who sat in the snow.

She was hunched over in a red coat, her two little stick up hairs waving in the silent breeze that ran through the night. Her coat was wrapped around her tightly, but even with that she was still shivering and sobbing. He could tell that she wasn't dressed properly for the weather, and as he stood up she didn't seem to hear him.

_I know you. _

Slowly his feet found themselves moving, and he was soon upon her, his hand coming out of his pocket to hover in the air over her head quietly before being pocketed again.

Touching was not his thing.

"Hey."

She jumped at his voice, clearly startled. Turning around her rose eyes met his and she breathed out, standing up almost too quickly. She was wearing her blue skirt and her leggings like always, but had an orange sweater to cover her. Kai could see her coat was too light for the temperature.

"What're you doing out here?" he asked.

She stared at him for a moment before putting a hand to her mouth and blowing, trying to warm her fingers. Kai watched her carefully, taking in her actions. She smiled a little at him and sighed, turned her head away from him slightly.

"You remember me?"

"You're Mathilda right? Mathilda Alster." He replied, looking down at her. "I remember seeing you a long time ago… you were once part of that whole Beyblade thing right? Back then… when we were kids…"

"What did we know…" she murmured, chuckling to herself. "We just had fun back then… but now…" she turned to the tombstone she had been facing and her shoulders sunk, Kai coming closer to her.

"What are you doing here?"

Mathilda did not answer right away, but merely kept her eyes upon the tombstone. Kai sensed that she was getting a little anxious.

"Mathilda… Go home. You look exhausted."

Her small head shook and she turned back to him, Kai's eyes widening at the sight of her tiny tears.

"I'll go later… I just… want more time here."

He pursed his lips, taking his right hand out of his pocket and flexing his fingers.

"You know… it's not good for women to be out late at night."

* * *

"What were you doing there Kai?" she asked, her hands upon a cup of warm chocolate. Kai sipped at his coffee and averted her eyes, not speaking.

The lights of the café were bright and people were still coming in and out. He had been in a place like this before, although where he didn't want to remember. His mind played enough games with him.

Mathilda turned her head as well to the outside, watching the snow fall down lightly and cover the ground in a small amount of beautiful white.

"My guess is that you lost someone too."

Kai did not respond to her again, but instead his eyes met her face, as she was still gazing out the window.

_Normally she's happy and upbeat… at least that's how I remember her. I haven't seen her in years… but that's how she was. _

"You know it's funny… you talk to people and you see things… and you experience the feeling of love you thought you'd never get… and when those things come… they're the most wonderful memories you have…"

She has his attention now, Kai turning his head fully to see her still gazing out the window. The chocolate was getting cold.

"When those people are removed from your life… you have to remember them. You have to remember everything they ever did for you… every heartbreak, every argument…"

She smiled sadly now, her voice nothing more than a whisper.

"Every kiss… every touch… every gaze they gave you… every time he said he loved you… every time he bought home some sweets… every time he made you promise to always be good and loving… every time he praised you… for saying something right…"

_She feels like I do… _

Her fingers wound around the cup again and she felt along the rim of the cup, taking another sip and now staring at Kai rather sadly. Kai could feel his heart twisting, but could not tell what the true emotion was.

"I guess you lost someone too Kai…" she murmured, now bowing her head down. "I'm sorry to have caused so much trouble… I should get going soon…"

Kai blinked as she put on her coat and threw out her cup, bowing to him fully now.

"Thank you for watching over me… my car isn't too far away… so I should be-"

"I'll take you home."

He stood up hastily and threw away his coffee, the person behind the counter cursing at him for not having drunk at least half of the beverage. Kai could care less however.

He pushed in his chair and walked towards the door, feeling Mathilda stand still behind him in confusion. He looked over his shoulder once and spoke.

"Come on, they're closing."

* * *

The door shut behind him, Mathilda putting down her bag on a nearby couch and taking her coat off. She turned on a few lights and ran into the kitchen of her apartment, flicking on the stove.

"Do you want something?"

"Tea."

Kai took a seat near the window, facing the outside. The moon was still high in the sky as the stars of the night glistened and danced in the moon's light. He sighed.

His gaze drifted after a few seconds however, as he was interested in her apartment. A clock here, a desk there, a TV set, and a small plant. He closed his eyes, remembering.

"_Why do you want to take me home?" _

"_It's not safe for women to be out this late." _

"_Since when did you become such a gentleman?" _

"…"

"_I have my own car you know, I have to come back for it." _

"_So then call me." _

Without a second thought he dug into his pocket and flicked out his phone, seeing the picture of his beloved on the main screen. His eyes dimmed as he immediately went to his contacts and saw a new name under the M category.

"Here you go. Sorry it took so long."

Kai looked up in time to see Mathilda place a cup of tea with sugar on a platter next to him, Kai taking the tea and drinking a bit.

"Why were you there Kai?"

His eyes met hers again, and as their eyes stared he could feel something nestling in his heart.

"I went to go see someone who was very close to me…"

"Was she your lover?"

Kai's eyes widened a bit, but Mathilda simply nodded her head, crossing her legs as she sat down on the chair that was across from him.

"I had a suspicion you were there for someone close to you. She was really pretty right? And talented? Had to be if she attracted you."

"She worked in my company… but then… we got involved…" Kai's words died as Mathilda's expression turned somber.

"I'm sorry… what happened?"

"It was snowing that night… he wasn't looking."

"I see."

They sat in silence again, the clocking ticking away slowly and Kai drinking his tea. Mathilda placed her hands upon her lap and finally breathed out.

"I was there for Miguel."

Kai's eyebrows furrowed, tilting his head.

"Miguel and I… got involved too…" she held her left arm with her hand, her body visibly trembling.

"We got involved… and he never told me… he had been fighting it for so long…"

Kai adjusted his seat as Mathilda shook harder for a few moments before speaking again.

"I said I didn't want to get involved… because then it meant commitment… and when you're in that deep…"

"Then it's hard to break out." He finished, leaning forward. The tea was done and he set the cup back down upon the platter, his head turning to the moon's light.

"She was gone almost instantly, I don't remember seeing her fight. She was just… gone."

"Who was she?" Mathilda asked slowly, her head down. "If you don't-"

"Julia."

Mathilda was visibly surprised, her mouth hung open.

"Julia? Oh my… oh my God…" she shook her head soundly, sighing heavily.

"So then… we both knew… who we both lost."

"Yeah." Kai scratched his shoulder and pocketed his phone, forgetting that he had the device out in the first place.

"It's been a while…" Mathilda began, her smile coming into her face. Kai pursed his lips and she smiled sadly now, cutely tilting her head.

"It's been a while since I really opened up to someone… it feels nice… to know that someone else… shares in my pain."

Kai did not speak, but stood up and nodded his head slightly, turning towards the door. He began to walk out when Mathilda followed him, speaking.

"Thank you again for driving me here… it got so late and I didn't realize-"

"Call me in the morning when you're ready to come back out."

She stopped behind him, Kai finally at the door. He could feel her gaze upon him and he opened the door slowly, one foot already outside. He paused before going out, breathing slightly.

"Thank you… Kai."

Her words melted into his heart and he turned around again, his coat flapping lazily in the outside wind.

_You share my pain. You understand what it is to see someone in everything… to hear their last words… to really know… how lonely it is. _

_You understand. _

His hand came up quickly and his fingers grazed through her hair, down to her chin and then more down to her neckline. She froze beneath his touch and Kai's eyes softened.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Kai turned from her now, taking his hand away and walking towards his car. He stopped before getting into his car however, his eyes tracing over her figure as she watched him. She was on the fifth floor balcony of her apartment complex leaning over the railing to the outside. Her pink hair was waving in the wind and snow littered her bare hands. Her eyes were stuck upon him.

Kai blinked twice, and let a snowflake drift onto his cheek.

_This is all I'll ever know. _


End file.
